Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The cause of increasing violent crime among youth generation


desgit33 6 / 3 4  
Jan 27, 2016   #1
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologist claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

More attention should be paid on how to prevent people aged 18 and less doing crime. It is argued that the rise in the rate of juvenile delinquency happens due to lack of parents and teachers' surveillance. While this is true to some extent, I would argue that other factors such media, poor family background, and environment also play important roles.

It is necessary that parents and teachers are to responsibility to this issue. This is because they have more time to handle the behavior of their children both in the school and at home, for instance, teachers are more likely to spend their time prepare materials rather than monitor children behavior, while parents are concern on children's appearance without teaching how to behave well. This results in children doing their activities freely without any supervision. There is no doubt that parents and teachers are to maintain children not to do criminal activities.

However, other factors should not be neglected. Firstly, media such as television gives bad example by broadcasting action movies which can be watched by teenagers anytime. This TV programs bring negative impacts on child development. Also, poverty rates among the younger generation lead stress that can give effect to theft, robbery, or other violent acts. Poverty reduces the challenge to reach education which can access to get jobs or role models. Not only this, environment where kids live having access to bring negative phenomena. The availability of illegal drugs around children support children to be criminal.

In conclusion, the significant increase of crime rate happens since parents do not keep teenagers under surveillance. While this is thoroughly acceptable to some extent, I would claim that other factors should be taken into consideration, it is necessary that government should launch numerous program to attempt to lower that rate.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 27, 2016   #2
Desy, you have argued this prompt in a highly informative manner. Your approach to the discussion is by far, the best discussion that I have seen regarding this topic in a very long time at this forum. You have taken into account the fact that the essay may be open to discussing other factors that could contribute to the problem presented and that, truly helped propel the grade of this essay to something way above average.

You were able to explain yourself clearly using moderately advanced vocabulary, which translated into a heightened use of sentence devices. These factors helped your essay, considering its grammar problems, become a well written essay just the same. There is no mistaking the fact that you not only understood the prompt, but you were also able to express yourself in an acceptable manner.

The only problem I found with your essay has to do with the conclusion. It is really an almost negligible error that did not affect the wrap up of the essay at all. However, for reasons based on technicalities, you should have included the teachers in the statement referring to the responsibility of the parents. Keep in mind that the keywords used in the prompt should be found in the essay response. Most specially in the introduction and the conclusion of the statement.


Home / Writing Feedback / The cause of increasing violent crime among youth generation