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Ielts Writing task 2: the cause and influences of traveling


Khanguyent 1 / -  
May 20, 2020   #1

Many people are traveling to other countries

.
Why? Is it a positive or negative development?


Nowadays people are traveling to other parts of the world more than ever before. I opine that this phenomenon impacts on the world whether they are positive or negative are equally considerable. In the following paragraphs, using my own knowledge I will discuss the cause and also the influences of this development.

Thanks to the recent achievements in technology, traveling and tourism is easier to access than ever before. Nowadays, there are a myriad means of transport for people to conveniently choose from, the choice varies from private or public transportation. In the past, it could take days for travelers who took horses or trains to get to the destination, but now the place can be reached easily within hours even if that place is on the other hemisphere. Ultimately, mass tourism has been a huge part of modern days society mainly because of advanced transport system

As a means of entertainment and convenience in ours everyday life, traveling nodoubtly is of great benefits for the world economy; however, it can possibly bring some negative effects to the aspect of the environment. First of all, touring plays a huge role in attributing to a country's economy. To illustrate, Viet Nam, a small and under development country in the southeast of Asia, has an economic system that relies heavily on foreign travelers. In countries like Viet Nam, many people are consistently taking advantage of traveling, as a major source of their incomes. On the other hand, the development of tourism goes parallel with the increase of risking environmental values. Sometimes, visitors overlook the importance of environmental preservation and therefore pay little attention to their behavior which can unintentionally cause pollution and detrimental effects on the place environment. Tosting garbage, feeding wild animals and using non- environmental friendly vehicles are just some of the touring activities that can cause great loss to the natural world.

To conclude, it is obvious that recently successful technological developments contribute significantly to the progress of nowadays traveling conveniences.Despite doing harm for the environment, this still brings a lot of beneficial and impactful changes to many people's lives.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,577 2488  
May 20, 2020   #2
The essay was going strong until you took a misstep in the second reasoning paragraph. That is the part where you were supposed to present a single opinion. Either travel has a positive or negative impact. You cannot defend both. You cannot do that because the question asked "Is it a positive or a negative development. " Based on the scoring requirements for this test, you must provide a clear opinion regarding the given decision. You cannot say that yo agree with both because this is not a comparative opinion essay.

Note that you were not asked to discuss both points of view before presenting your opinion. That is the only time when you can use a comparative discussion and have a "maybe" response in the form of "both sides have benefits and negatives". In this case, you either see the events you described in the first reasoning paragraph as a positive or a negative, then explain why in the second reasoning paragraph. Your essay score will be low because you were indecisive about picking one side to support in the discussion and that, is going to be a bigger scoring problem for you than the grammar issues that your essay also has.

The only impact you should have discussed, for C&C purposes was "Ease of travel has created a positive / negative development in terms of travel (pick one side). The impacts to be considered are:

- Environmental (air pollution, global warming)
- Personal Debt ( with regards to how people can afford to easily travel)
- Destruction of natural environments due to tourism upgrades

Any of these would have worked well with your previous discussion as a continuing point of consideration (C&C). Your current second discussion lacks that connection with the previous paragraph so the discussion is not cohesive.


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