Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The cause and measurement in solving the rise of crime rate


IqbalThemi 44 / 46 13  
Jun 29, 2015   #1
Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity.

It is argued that more and more an annual crime rate grows up absolutely. As far as I am concerned, a rise of unemployment and poverty issues is key factor causing this problem more complicated. This is since for some citizens being criminal is a basic approach to survive in an economy competition. Again, broken families or single parenthood contributed in increasing crime rate. To solve this problem, government should provide more job fields for young people to enable everyone to reach their goals or fulfill life needs and also enact stringent laws for burdening criminal.

First of all, a major reason of this is the increase of unemployment and poverty rate per year. A significant study, conducted by Statistics Department of Lithuanian Republic Government, reported that the number of offenses per 100,000 population in 2005-2011 period basically correlates with unemployment trend rate indicators. Another result on this topic fund that in Europe unemployment and income inequalities have become the markers of social cohesion and sense or lack thereof, which generate more aggressive behavior as a reaction to social bias and discrimination. Undoubtedly, a growth rate in violent crimes is truly affected by how the number of unemployment and poverty rate is.

Another cause of the problem is broken families or single parenthood. According to an article recorded that in the UK seven out of 10 children being offenders come from broken homes, whilst the children having single parent families are more than twice as likely to live in committing crime instead of those living with both parents. In addition to this, a similar result showed that a ten per cent increase in the percentage of American children living in single-parent homes leads typically to a seventeen percent increase in juvenile crime.

Therefore, despite the complex problem, it is believed that the government is responsible for the developing of more workplace option. To illustrate this, if all of persons in a country carries out a good job permanently with a stable income, they will gain an improvement of profound life quality. As a result, by improving economic status of societies, the issues of crime rate growth can be overcome confidently. Also, the authority of judicial institution should provide a strict regulation of crime issues to pressure the number of crime rise. This is because people tend to worry to commit crime repeatedly, if they receive an extraordinary punishment.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although crime rate experiences an obvious rise per year, this can be solved by building a comfortable workplace and formulating a strict policy from the government. Therefore, I would argue that to maximize in solving this should the government not just focus on providing job fields or making regulation, but arouse individuals' self-conscious to respect for the rules of society too.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 29, 2015   #2
I will help you again with some of your essay. Here are a few changes I would like to address:

-"As far as I am concerned, a rise of unemployment and poverty issues are key factors causing this problem." When you use unemployment and poverty, these are two factors, so you need to change is (because it is singular) to "are" (because it is plural). Also, broken families or single parents contribute to an increasing crime rate. I changed this because I was unsure why contribute was in the past tense.

-The second paragraph seems to come from a source. If you try to paraphrase some, this might cause some issues in grammar. If you choose to quote, just place quotation marks where you want to use the source and cite or give credit to your source in the paper.

-The third paragraph, just change the first sentence to "single parent families". This will describe the type of family you are discussing rather than parenthood. Delete "that" after recorded. Here is another instance where you would benefit from looking at your source and citing it. If you want to paraphrase your quotes, you have to pay close attention to detail. I would recommend looking at your source, citing it, putting quotation marks around what is quoted and giving credit. Ex: "And here's The Sneetches , by Dr. Seuss! I used to read this to my children when they were little" (Kamara & Susan McClelland, 181). In a works cited page, I would give the authors credit: Kamara,Mariatu, and Susan McClelland. The Bite of the Mango. Buffalo: Annick Press, 2008. Print.

-The fourth paragraph make option plural. I think that adding to many words to your sentences is creating more difficulty. My suggestion is to try to simplify your sentences. Look at the words that I am going to cross out. To illustrate this, if all of persons everyone in a country carries out a has a good job permanently with and a stable income, they will gain an improvement of profound life quality improve their quality of life.

After your transition word, use "judicial institutions could". When you use pressure it seems like you are for the crime rise. I know that this is not the word you want to use. I think you mean reduce the number of crimes. Is that correct? Delete to worry. If they receive an extraordinary punishment they will be with other criminals. I think you should use "don't" before receive. This changes the meaning of what you are trying to express to the reader.

-The fifth paragraph I am going to show you more words that should be deleted. Ex: although and experiences an obvious . The only change that needs to be made in the first sentence is to make rates plural. The second sentence delete these words: Therefore, I would argue that to maximize in solve this, should the government shouldn't focus only on providing job fields or making regulations, but arouse individuals' self-conscious to respect for the rules of society too .


Home / Writing Feedback / The cause and measurement in solving the rise of crime rate