"Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?
In the recent year, young people are experiencing some problems in to be forced in education, social, and commercial views. This is because their parents expect much in that ways that their children must do more. Therefore, this essay will offer a solution that parents should lead their children without any pressures.
Every parent provides the best things for their children, so they expect their children will do the best to the best results. Unfortunately, this condition sometimes is terrifying things for children. They push themselves to get best. If someday they cannot get what they want, they will get frustration. It backs up by the research from UNICEF that 86% students who got depression in their academic and social activities due to unexpected results, which one-third of them said their purpose were to satisfy their parents or to eschew themselves from grumble of their parents. As a result, children underwent some psychological disturbance that will affect their future life.
To reduce those pressures in children lives. Parents are the most responsible people who have to take an action. From my point of view, parents should guide their children to get the high achievement without any pressures. Based on study from California University stated, that six from ten children who have worked well, had never experienced pressures from their parents. They just were encouraged to attain good result and their parents just advised them to decide the best from the some options. So, their children will get their own 'succeed' way itself.
To sum up, it may be true that children are in pressures now, if their parents push them very hard to get best accomplishment in their education, environment, and commercial without notice the condition of their child. Therefore, parents should encourage their children with some guidance not pressures. 300w
I think you need to differentiate between something that is happening NOW and something that is fact/news/statement/general truth. It might look simple but it appears in the very first sentence of your essay and it will NOT bring benefits towards your score. For instance, in this sentence you can see that "In recent years, young people EXPERIENCE problem" . This is definitely a factual data / facts / general truth / statement. Thus, simple present tense is more appropriate than present progressive/continuous.
I am quite curious why do some members of this forum prefer to write FAKE facts rather than giving general example about certain things. Fake facts are easily to be recognized. It also often leads to fake-FALSE-facts. This would not be better for the betterment of your essay. This might also ruin the final grading of your score. Take a closer look on the criteria of BAND 5. IELTS band descriptors mentioned that "there may be irrelevant detail" . Fake facts or even fake-false facts can be considered as irrelevant if you are not careful enough to select the information that you want to 'create'.
Hallo miss anna.. here my suggestion for you..
... young people are experiencing experience some problems in to be forced ... (What problems to be forced do you mean? Must be the best or what? It must be clear here)
(In the introduction you will make sentence better if you put what is the causes and solutions briefly)
Every parent provides the best things (...) will do the best to the best results. (Repetition of best)
... sometimes is terrifying things for children. They push themselves to get the best.
... 86% students who got(in the past form, but where is your time frame? )depression in their academic ...
Good luck
