Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
The punishment is given to the law breakers to give them deterrent effect. Unfortunately, there are many crime cases which ex-prisoners do their crime again. The main reason why this trend can occur is related about the inadequate prison system. Repairing prison system is effective way to tackle such problem.
The predominant reason why crime agents commit their crime more is the treatment they get during punishing is useful. They are put in the same person in the prison. Eventually, during the punishment phase, their environment leads them to maintain their mind without any exchanges ideas and information and causes them to have worse behavior. They will lack of skill so that after serving a sentence, they tend to be ignore in the society and lack of job. They will need for money for their life and it will encourage them for doing the crime again.
To solve the given problem above, the proposed effective solution is giving rehabilitation program during serving prison. The rehabilitation program means that the criminal agents are given skill as a preparation before exempt to the public. If they have skill, they will easily get job. Taking Indonesian National Narcotic Agency program as instance, it has rehabilitation program which exercise their suspects with some skills. So that, after pass the program, they have positive skill and it brings them for getting job and far from the previous crime.
To sum up, it is true that first punishment for law breakers is not effective enough for giving shock therapy for them. However, for solving such problem, the government has to take a strategy for improving their skill and mind to make the better. If the government fail in tackling this problem, the crime will be more and more increase.
@agus_mono
Your essay manage is going with well. Explaining data is solid.
I thought the idea should be described with a strong claim also may you adding some examples or make a comparison (the second paragraph).
I suggest you make it into emphasizing to show that it is very important used by putting it the first sentence.
The proposed effective solution is giving rehabilitation program during serving prison.
Rehabilitation program during serving prison is the proposed effective solution.
Below is my revised and recommended various of your essay, I rectified some grammatical mistakes and make a few changes.
Overall the problem is the accuracy, word choice and grammar. Also, if the conclusion can also sum up the reason stated in the 2nd paragraph then it would be better.
The punishment is given to the law breakers to give them deterrent effect. Unfortunately, there are many crime cases which ex-prisoners continue to commit crimes again. The main reason of this is related to the inadequate prison system. Repairing the prison system is an effective way to tackle such problem.
The predominant reason of why crime offenders commit their crime more is the treatment they get during punishing isn't useful at all. They are put in the same person in the prison. Eventually, during the punishment phase, the environment that they are in without any exchange of righteous ideas and information causes them to remain having the same mindset. They will then still be lacking of practical skills to survive in workplace so that after serving a sentence, they tend to be ignored in the society and unable to find any jobs. In desperate need of money to make ends meet, they can do nothing but resort to crime.
To eliminate the problem above, rehabilitation program during prison should be an effective solution. The rehabilitation program means that the criminal are given lectures on practical skills as a preparation before exempting to the public. If they have the necessary survival skills, they will be able to get a job easily. For instance, the Indonesian National Narcotic Agency program is a rehabilitation program which provides their subjects with some skills. As a result, after passing the program, the subjects can get to apply those skills acquired for getting jobs in society and would not go astray.
To sum up, it is true that the first punishment for law breakers is not effective enough for giving shock therapy for them. However, for solving such problem, the government has to be strategic for improving their practical skills. If the government fails in tackling this worrying problem, re-committing crimes will be more and more prevalent.
