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The causes of less productive agricultural land degradation during the 1990s in 3 continents

Titus14 5 / 11 1  
Jul 6, 2016   #1
The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

Summarize the in formation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart provides information about the causes of less productive agricultural land degradation during the 1990s in three different continents: North America, Europe and Oceania, which not only included south pacific islands, but also Australia and New Zealand.

It is clear that over-grazing was the main reason to land degradation in the late 20th century. In addition, the majority percentage of land degradation was caused by European countries.

According to the pie chart, 28% of land degradation was a result of over-cultivation. However, Oceania remained 0% during the last decade of 20th century. On the other hand, the percentage of over-grazing in Oceania was the highest comparing with the other regions.

Although the major reason of land degradation was caused by over-grazing, North America did not participate much in it, at the rate of only 1.5%, which was the lowest among the others. In fact, merely 5 % of land were degraded by North America.


ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 7, 2016   #2
Naomi, you need to complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. Instead of separating those paragraph, it is better to combine it. Your mistake was separating the information into the two paragraphs you presented. Format your opening paragraph into at least three sentences this way:

The pie chart provides... (1st sentence)
It is clear that... (2nd sentence)
In addition... (3rd sentence)

The first body of your essay has already well-developed. Three sentences would be adequate to the reader or examiner. This is the evidence that you have delivered a well-developed information in order to make the reader or examiner understand what your point is.

However, your last paragraph was unfortunate. You accidentally only created two sentences for that. You need to bear in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. So the following still needs work.

Although the major reason... (1st sentence)
In fact,... (2nd sentence)
Furthermore... (3rd sentence)

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