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Writing task 2 - causes and solution for offender commit more crimers after they was free

Diahkn93 6 / 9  
Apr 25, 2017   #1
Hai everyone my name Diah. i love writing and definitely need some feedback from you to help me improve the way of my writing :)
i less on grammar if could fine some errors and please give me the right answer if possible.


Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Whay is this happening, and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem?

There are many problems cause by criminal. Mostly half of them used to be punished and stay in prison for several years based on how big their cases. However being punish doesn't mean the criminality are decrease the facts is opposite. I will explain the main reason and solution for these conditions.

A lot of villains being punished with petty crimes levels such as thief or robbery. They will get 1-3 years life behind jail's trellis. It is one of low penalty in some other countries. When they back to normal life there's a huge possibility for them to commit another crimes. "The kind-heart rules" I believe this one of biggest causes, to measure the government need to improve or renews the old policy and giving fear to the perpetrator in term they will think first, before they decide to did harm to others people. For example government of North Korea created policy based on fear by received death sentence as punishment. In communist country that thing still exits and used frequently for those people who did big criminal cases. As a result the people became well-behave on their daily life and the level of criminality is lowest than other countries.

As human and social creatures, we need to continue our life. And we need money for it. As villain, offenders always been judge as bad person and their existences is being refuse on society. Many discrimination the might get when they back into their life it's the biggest reason they hard to find job. The conditions push them and the easy way to own money they do crimes as they did before. Experience also created them to more careful in way they commit crime so they become smarter. In develop countries such as Indonesia, have serious problem crimes and society point of view. Many prisoners stayed at prison but if the offenders show well-behave through the punishment period they might get amnesty for cut of the punishment into half. But when they back all people also maybe their family will refused. In psychology they need big support from close relative in way to stop their crime habits.

For conclusion the crime offender did wrong decision in their life. But everyone have right for second chances. The government can support their financial such as give them funding for business build and teach them how to survive in society and stand to scorn address to you. If you can work you can be entrepreneur which is can create job field for others people to chancing the public opinion for ex-convict.

restuanlubis 4 / 7  
Apr 25, 2017   #2
Your essay idea managing is good.
As your request first and foremost your introduce, I think there are several mistaken showed by your essay,
There are many problems causeS by a criminal.
Mostly half of them used to...
Mostly = adverb, it is inappropriate
it should be Adjective (Most)
For the rest your essay:
Please pay more attention in Subject-verb Agreement

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