IELTS TASK 2 : CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS OF ENDANGERED ANIMALS - government must intervene

Animal habitats have been destroyed, and some animal species (e.g. the tiger and the rhino) have become endangered. Why does this happen? What can be done to protect endangered animals?

Every living organism needs a place to live. Not only humans but also animals need a place where they can find food and raise its families. Unfortunately, these days, the habitat of wild animals has annihilated by humans. I believe that many nations have their own ways to solve this problem.

The number of rare animals in the world increases every year. Firstly, there are a lot of illegal wildlife trades which endanger preservation of endangered animals. The magnitude of the potential profits from trade in endangered species has prompted an increase in trading activity of wildlife. Secondly, forest burning in every dry season either occurring naturally or as a result of land clearing activities by humans extremely damages the animal places. Finally, they are regarded as pest by humans, so it should be eradicated like usual pest. This happens as they are often damaging crops or attack people.

I argue that government should create a place for the breeding of rare animals and then they can be released into their natural habitat. In addition, humans are not allowed to trade rare species. If there is transaction, it should be aimed for saving them from naughty people and they must hand over to the competent authorities. The essential point is educating the public about the importance of the preservation of rare animals to survive in their habitat. Thus, they do not disturb existence of animals and maintain them to survive in their natural habitat.

To sum up, I believe that many problems of animal extinction are caused by human activities. The government must act quickly to prevent the extinction of animals and build a wildlife sanctuary as a real step to protect them.

... can find foodS and raise its families.

there are a lotS of illegal wildlife trades.
it is more appropriate to use "lots of" than "a lot"

The magnitude of the potential profits from trade in endangered speciesendangered species trading has prompted ...

you use endangered too much, try to paraphrase it with "threaten"

for saving them from naughty people and they must hand over to the competent authorities.
the meaning of naughty is (Especially of a child) badly behaved; disobedient, you can simply use "bad"