Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment.
What causes global warming?
What solutions are there to this problem?
The environment is affected by many reasons and one of them is global warming. Humans activities release a large amount of carbon that creates the greenhouse situation which leads to global warming. This problem can be solved by the governments and individuals.
Greenhouse is the main cause of global warming in this era. There are many activities of humans that cause this problem. Transport is the major carbon emission, particularly in urban areas where people's need for moving is high and they rather choose their private vehicles because it is more convenient. For example, each Vietnamese may have one scooter to use as an everyday vehicle when they attend universities or start working. Furthermore, industrial activities also contribute to the amount of carbon in the atmosphere when there are more and more plants constructed.
However, there are solutions for this issue. Governments can introduce more strict laws and regulations in activities and production that may be harmful for the environment. This will prevent companies and organizations from doing activities that are not good for nature and they may have more careful decisions. Moreover, people can make their own campaign to raise awareness of society in using public transport instead of using their private vehicle. This may decrease the needs of private vehicles which helps the global warming problem be solved in the long run.
In conclusion, global warming is the most concerning issue nowadays caused by the greenhouse situation from human activities. However, this issue can be tackled if governments and individuals are responsible and take actions to change.
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The essay, though with constructive discussion points, suffers from a lack of proper development, incomplete word references, and under developed paragraphs. I think you rushed through the presentation and did not really pay attention to perfecting your work, even though you had more than ample time and word count to do so. It is important to always review your work before the time is up so that you can spot incorrect grammar, insufficient explanations, and add clarity to certain discussion points. By the way, you should not be referring to who can solve the problems at the end of the paraphrase, you should be referring to actual solutions since the question was not about who can solve the problem but rather, what can be done to solve the problem.
In this case, the following are your incomplete phrase or word presentations:
Greenhouse is the main... - Greenhouse GASES are the main...
Transport is the major carbon emission... - ... TRANSPORTATION is the major SOURCE OF carbon emission...
One of the major presentation problems in your essay is the lack of proper paragraph development. In the first reasoning paragraph, your presentation was coherent for the most part. Then, the cohesiveness disappeared when you presented the second discussion topic. Although it may have been related to the first discussion, the lack of connecting explanation between the two topics created a lack of clarity and an underdevelopment of your presentation. Since you only have 5 sentences per paragraph, you should always present connected discussion topics this way:
- First topic sentence
- Reason for this topic
- Related topic sentence
- Example that connects the 2 topics
- Supporting discussion 1
- Supporting discussion 2 or transition sentence into the next paragraph
The same format should be used in the 2nd reasoning paragraph as well. That was also confusing to read as there was no clear connection between the government and people solution. The paragraph was, in effect, lacking in presentation clarity and idea development.
The concluding paragraph is short by 3 sentences. You did well in providing a restatement of the prompt and the possible sources of solution. You should have also indicated what these solutions are and a closing statement as a reminder to the reader.