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IELTS 2 - CAUSES/SOLUTIONS - growing trend towards migrating from rural ares to a large metropolis

hmdd515 1 / -  
Jan 8, 2021   #1
More ad more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city.

How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

There has been a growing trend towards migrating from rural ares to a large metropolis. There are plenty of problems to this phenomenon and several solutions governments can take to tackle this issue.

To begin with, there are a variety of issues for people who hope to migrate to large cities. First, since most urban areas are often seen as places of opportunity, the cost of living is likely to be much higher than it is in small towns or villages. If inhabitants live in a large metropolis which have various enhanced facilities, they might pay higher prices for housing, transport, and even food. Additionally, with the migration of people from rural regions, urban dwellers tend to suffer from air pollution due to overcrowded streets and public transport systems. If more and more people are migrating to urban regions in search of a better life, cities' population may break out during peak periods, which may lead to governments out of control and eventually result in social issues, such as high crime and poverty rates.

Besides, there are a number of ways that governments can take to deal with these issues. By moving industry and jobs to provincial towns and rural areas, life of people living in those regions may be developed. Governments may invest public money in the construction of industrial zone in remote rural places, countryside people may have jobs in their hometown without migrating to large cities, which leads to releasing the pressure on major cities. Furthermore, politicians who have the power may ban vehicles from city center during peak hours in order to reduce traffic congestion. For instance, government may impose a surcharge for drivers who drive during rush hours and cause traffic jams, which helps governments to curb the traffic issue easily.

In conclusion, there are several issues , including the high cost of living and air pollution, to this problem, and active responses from governments can be taken to mitigate the issues and enhance the quality of life for all city residents.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437  
Jan 9, 2021   #2
The opening paraphrase presents a topic sentence at the start, then an explanation of what the discussion instruction is about. While this is an acceptable paraphrase, it would have been even better had you presented a reworded reasoning sentence covering the reference to why migration is becoming a trend. That is the missing sentence that is in the original presentation but not in your representation. So your version of the opening discussion is correct, only to a certain extent. Without the reasons for the discussion, the presentation is a bit incomplete.

Your first reasoning paragraph starts with word fillers. Avoid getting used to presenting place holder sentence representations as these do not help to increase your LR, GRA, or C&C scores. If the presentation does not help add information to the paragraph, then there is no sense in having that sentence there. Simply start with topic sentences that will help to clearly direct the reader towards the upcoming discussion.

You misused the word "Besides" in the second paragraph presentation. That is a comparative word that is used to mean " otherwise, else, in addition, moreover, furthermore, or also". Since the first discussion refers to reasons and the second discussion, refers to solutions, the two discussion paragraphs are unrelated in content. Therefore, you cannot use the word "Besides" to start the solutions paragraph.

The concluding paragraph should be presented in 2 sentences at the bare minimum. Your presentation contains a run-on that compressed all of the discussion points, leaving the reader rushed and a but confused by the actual presentation of that paragraph. Always use separate topic sentences to represent the summarized discussion points in the concluding paragraph. That will keep the meaning of that paragraph clear to the reader.

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