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IELTS Task 2: Causes Solutions: Professionals leave their countries to work in developed countries.

THC1310vn 7 / 19 10  
Mar 8, 2020   #1

Job migration to the wealthier countries

An increasing numbers of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the causes? What are the soulutions?

Professionals, such as doctors and teachers, have a tendency to leave their developing countries to find jobs in developed countries. This essay will examine main causes of this issue and possible solutions.

The two main causes of leaving countries among professionals are the deficiency of high-quality facilities and slim chance to promote. When these white-collar workers live in developing countries, they can not have cutting-edge technology. This way, they stand no chance of working as their desire. For instance, teachers in some rural areas have to commute about 10 km to the schools on foot. Also, promotion is another key factor that deter those professionals from staying in the poor countries. Their salaries are not sufficient, although they indulge themselves on their occupation. Doctors or teachers definitely opt for developed countries where they can devote themselves to their passion without worrying about money. For example, the majority of people in Southeast Asia tend to find scholarships to study abroad and settle down there. Thus, lacking money and poor condition are deterrents for the professionals.

Some possible solutions to this problem are investing money in facilities and have more incentives for white-collar laborers. High-tech devices and machines undeniably make workers focus on their works because they provide them with comfort when working. As a case in point, online lessons emerged in my country in response to a pandemic allow teachers to finish their duty at home, providing them a safe environment to educate the students. Consequently, they are more fanatical about their works. Besides, governments should have some special policies for the professionals because they can draw their interest in their occupation.

In conclusion, low salaries and low-quality facilities are two main factors that make the professionals leave their poor countries. However, we can significantly change this situation by improving the working condition and providing these people with sufficient salaries.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,351 3366  
Mar 9, 2020   #2
You could have done a better job at rephrasing the presentation:

A rising number of licensed workers from developing countries, physicians and educators in particular, tend to leave their home nations. They leave in order to seek better occupations in first world states. It is important to understand the reasons why these specialists decide to seek their luck outside of their home community. Based on these problems, fixes to the situation must also be proposed.

There is no need to say "This essay will examine". That is considered a memorized response. Try to represent the prompt discussion instructions in a manner that does not seem like you are just repeating what you learned in class. Compose a different way of indicating the instructions such as the one I presented above. Remember, you have to present between 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You cannot present just 2 sentences and expect to score well in the C&C and GRA section.

This is a 3 paragraph essay that should have been presented with the following reasoning paragraphs:
- Teachers
- Doctors
- General solution to the problem

The way you connect these discussions is to find a common denominator between the two problems so that you can present a united solution in the 3rd paragraph. For the teachers, discuss the problem of classroom inefficiency in relation to technology. Do that in one paragraph. For doctors, discuss hospital inadequacies due to lack of technological instruments. That's a separate paragraph. Then discuss the common solution to both problems an increase in the budget for both sectors so that the teaching and treatment facilities can be upgraded. Once the systems are upgraded, the professionals will not leave their countries. Then, in the concluding summary, restate that very discussion as a part of the concluding paragraph.

Your discussion paragraphs are too long and you have written too many words for a 40 minute task. You have to leave time to review and edit your work. In this instance, you did not leave any time for corrections so your essay is filled with grammatical errors. Aim to write no more than 5 sentences per paragraph to help with your editing time requirement. This essay has way too many grammar and vocabulary errors which will result in heavy penalties on the final score.
OP THC1310vn 7 / 19 10  
Mar 9, 2020   #3
@ Holt Thank you so much for your advice

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