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THE CAVE- Creative Writing


Edzo 2 / 2  
Feb 25, 2011   #1
Please review and notify me of any mistakes. I am open to criticism as long as it helps me with my writing skills.

THE CAVE
The scrawny creature was forced into a dank, dark cave. It had been left curled up in the corner of the room with a thumb in its mouth. Its black, beady eyes darted back and forth around the room, vigilant of intruders. Dust swirled around the cave as the creature reposed and made itself comfortable. The only sound to be heard was the constant and monotonous dripping of the wet patch on the roof. The water was discoloured by the dirt and mud. The creature noticed the small rocks falling from the roof of the cave and heard a distant rumbling. The giants were fighting again and it couldn't do anything about it. They were significantly stronger than the creature and had a massive advantage in their size. It was too afraid to confront them and instead hid in his corner curled up like a cocktail shrimp. It had hardly eaten the last couple of days. It had to salvage food from the floors of the cave and was sometimes even forced to drink the dirty water. Its anorexic figure left his cheeks puckered up and his ribs being able to be visible through his chest. The creature held itself tightly and waited for the fighting to stop.

The next morning the creature felt a flood of light shining at his eyes. The cave had been damaged by the rumbling of the giants and a small crack in the wall was created. The creature dragged its drained body towards the crack and took a peek outside. The giants were still fighting. The creature did not know what to do. Soon the whole cave would be brought down if they continued fighting. The creature continued to stare outside as the monsters prolonged their battle. One looked more masculine than the other and was overpowering it. The smaller one did not look too eager to fight but was being harassed by the stronger one. Soon the bigger one looked like it had given up and walked away, far away from the cave. The other one started to cry and buried her face in her hands. The creature slowly and cautiously climbed out of his cave to comfort her. The boy quietly walked up to the mother and asked her, 'Mummy are you OK? Why is Daddy leaving? Will he be coming back?'

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Feb 26, 2011   #2
The only sound to be heard was the constant and monotonous dripping of the wet patch on the roof. ---It sounds more dramatic this way.

The water was discoloured by the dirt and mud. The creature noticed the small rocks falling from the roof ...I'm not sure 'roof' is the correct word for the top of the cave.

They were significantly stronger than the creature, and had a massive advantage due to their size.

It was too afraid to confront them and instead hid in his corner curled up like a cocktail shrimp. ---Nice!!

It had hardly eaten in the last couple of days.

Its anorexic figure left his cheeks puckered up and his ribs being able to be visible through his chest.

The next morning the creature felt a flood of light shining in his eyes.

Soon the whole cave would be brought down if they continued. fighting.

The boy quietly walked up to his mother and asked her , 'Mummy are you OK? Why is Daddy leaving? Will he be coming back?'

This is awesome! I love the turn it takes at the end, when everything changes and one sentence transforms the whole essay. You're a great writer!


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