Prompt: Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as a force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.
*As I was writing the essay, I have thought that I have overused the word "technology"; however, I had no idea to replace the word since it was the keyword that was mentioned on the prompt. If there is any suggestion to remediate such problem, please advice. Besides, any other feedbacks are appreciated. Thank you.
Expository essay 2
Modern life is often defined as an era of progression. In the center of the modern progression, there is technology. Considering how technology has been used everywhere nowadays, it seems that humans are satisfied with the convenience of using technology. Therefore, it is assumed that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive.
Technology is widely used in various fields, and one of them is medical. Medical technology is directly related to human well-being; the diseases may be treated and the lives may be saved. As well as the treatments of the diseases, humans are expected to live longer than their ancestors, while remaining healthy, by annual check-ups that use technology. The technology already became part of the human lifestyle and have been affected positively to save them.
Living in Southern California could be challenging sometimes; mainly due to its extremely high temperature during summer. Thankfully, our ancestors have invented the very important appliance, called the air conditioner. The coolness that the air conditioners offer could not be compared to the natural wind, especially during hot summer. Without technology, human beings would not be able to stay away from the unpleasing humidity outside.
Imagine that you are the teacher in 1800s and you are about to write letters to the parents. If it was the 2010s, then you would have to write it once ---and once only--- and print out multiple copies by using computer technology; however, in 1800s, there is no other choice than writing 30 individual letters by using your hands. The appearance of computer technology helped humans to save time and energy. Thus, computer technology is worthwhile increasing work efficiency by simplifying organizing patterns and saving them as a file. Technology is not only necessary anymore, it became essential to modern life.
Technology is everywhere and anywhere nowadays. Although humans often fail to realize, we are taking advantages of technology in numerous fields, either intentionally or unintentionally. Expect more positive effects of technology and eager to find more advantages; then you will earn it.
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Jane, while you are doing your practice tests, you can use a thesaurus to vary your word choices. This is the listing of synonyms or words that are different in presentation but have the same meaning. If you had used a thesaurus then you would have known that the variation of the word technology includes automation and machinery, to name a few. You could have also said technical knowledge, scientific knowledge, or scientific know-how. There are various other words that you could have used, depending upon the meaning or topic of your sentence.
Now, the main problem that I see with this essay is that the prompt asks you to complete a direct action; "State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples." Rather than stating a direct position using the first person pronoun "I", you instead say "it is assumed." which begs the reader to ask "Who is making this assumption?" Hence the creation of a mistaken response in relation to the given instruction. The correct response would have been "Therefore, I believe that technology has made modern life more positive."
Your reasoning is acceptable enough but the use of the term "ancestors" is out of place. Ancestors are a person, typically one more remote than a grandparent, from whom one is descended. I think the more appropriate term would have been "inventors" since the air-conditioner is a modern invention of someone unrelated to you.
It is because of your imprecise details, simplistic reasoning, and problems with word choice that I do not think you can score more than a 2 with this type of CBEST presentation.