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CBEST: Mixed-gender schools vs. same-gender schools

naegajjasae 4 / 7 2  
Sep 1, 2018   #1
Good afternoon,

The following is my new expository essay. Thank you for reviewing!
+ Whenever I get the prompt, especially for the expository essay, my brain becomes empty; thus, it becomes hard to brainstorm and think about the reasons for the prompt. Are there any tips for such a situation?

Prompt: A local public school system is considering a plan to convert Jefferson High into an all-male school, and Franklin High into an all-female school. Students in the district would be required to attend a same-sex school. Many of the school systems think that all-male and all-female high schools would benefit students, and provide a more educational atmosphere. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the supporters? Support your opinion with specific reasons.

students should study and compete with all

The issue of "all-gender schools vs. same-gender schools" is a controversial one. Some believe that the coeducational system will benefit students' development in mutual respect, overcoming the fear of the opposite gender, and preparing for the survival in future. Others believe that the all-gender school system will distract students' academic achievement and educational atmosphere. After careful thought, I believe that students should study and compete with all genders; thus, I disagree with the supporters of converting the coeducation schools to the same-sex schools.

One reason for this belief is that the students' opportunity of developing the mutual respect. In the mixed-gender setting, the students will be able to understand the differences between each gender. Throughout the process of learning the differences, the students will obtain a broad understanding of each gender's perspectives. Further, the students will develop the depth of knowledge on different genders' mental and physical development, which may be beneficial in raising children in later life.

Another reason for this belief is that the students will overcome the fear of the opposite gender. Some students suffer from the anxiety of talking to the students with opposite-sex; especially during middle and high school due to puberty. For those students who are afraid of the opposite sex, it is crucial to establish the positive experiences in interaction with the opposite gender. As a troubleshooter, the mixed-gender education would do its job. The students will have a variety of experiences with the peers of the different gender; consequently, the students will become comfortable building relationship with all gender.

The final and the best, reason for this belief is that the students prepare for the survival in future. Once the students graduate from school, they start another page of life in a new community. Often cases, those adult communities are mixed-gender. The coeducational system will train and prepare the students in such a setting; therefore, they could survive in the adults' society. The students will experience the cooperation --- along with the competition---, of the opposite gender; which will become beneficial in the adulthood.

Every student has the right to receive the best education that would be advantageous for their future life. Mixed-gender schools will undoubtedly bring the numbers of advantages including; the students' development of gender appreciation, cooperation, and competition skills. Consequently, the coeducation system will become a catalyst for the students' success in the future. After all these reasons, the adults' responsibility is now clear: supporting coeducation.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,091 3251  
Sep 2, 2018   #2
Jane, I do believe that you have written a level 3 essay here. While there are imperfections with your writing, it does not erase the fact that you created convincing discussions, based on popular reasoning, for the topic you were presented with. A word of advice though, you may want to avoid using special punctuation marks such as the "---" doesn't help in an academic discussion. That is mostly used to emphasize words or meaning in creative writing. Try to avoid using special markings that are usually used in other modes of essay presentation. Always be academic in tone for the CBEST essay.

Overall, the discussion is plausible. However, you could have better explained yourself in each paragraph. Your examples need to be justified in order to strengthen the implication of your reference. The same goes for your topic sentences. You need stronger explanations for your reasoning in order to make the paragraph work better.

As for your problem with an "empty brain", I believe that this happens to you because you are overthinking the topic. The best way to address this issue is to place yourself in the situation. For example, for this essay topic, you could have taken a specific point of view for the discussion such as the point of view of the parent or the point of view of the student. Remember that there are no right or wrong discussions or opinions in the CBEST essay. What matters is how well you are able to defend the opinions and reasoning you will be presenting. That is normally done better when you take an interest in the point of view for discussion.

Rather than dealing with a generic "supporter" point of view, I would have made them more realistic by taking on the discussion from the point of view of the 2 involved groups, the parents and the students themselves. That way, your opinion will be better supported with specific reasons based on the implied involved parties in the discussion. If you can discuss something as an outsider looking in, you should be able to come up with better reasons and opinions for your discussion.

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