CBEST: How Did The Rejection Affect You? Bank credit refusal.

Prompt:
At some point in our lives, all of us have faced some sort of rejection or defeat. Write an essay about a time in your life when you experienced such a rejection. How did the rejection affect you?

I found the joy of managing the credit score

Narrative essay 1:

The word "rejection" often conveys a feeling of being denied. In contrast to the negative connotations that the word might deliver, some rejection may give you a valuable life lesson; such as financial knowledge. My experience of the rejection from the bank led me to find the joy of managing the credit score.

I was a high school senior, who just turned 18 and filled with an eager to speak out my independence as an adult. In a purpose of declaring my independence to my parents, I chose to open my own checking account. Soon after the account opening, I started hearing information on the benefits of opening a credit card from the online advertisements. After a short period of considering, I walked to the nearest bank and applied for a credit card. As a predictable result, my request was rejected; right away.

The rejection made me feel ashamed. I felt like a little kid who tries to act like an adult while lacking financial knowledge. Although I was tempted to leave the place right away, I decided to take a step out to get out of my comfort zone and ask the reason why my request was rejected. The reason was simpler than I thought; that I do not have a credit score, therefore I was unable to apply for a credit card. Nevertheless, the teller mentioned that there are some strategies to establish credits and kindly offered me a chance to attend a seminar for the credit beginners. I gladly accepted an offer and came back home with an excitement for the financial seminar.

Attending the seminar was a great opportunity to establish financial concepts including how to manage the accounts and build the credit. An instructor of the seminar recommended me to wait at least 6 months, since I just opened the checking account, and then apply for the student credit card that would help me to build the credit. After a long waiting game, I finally was able to receive a student credit card. Although the card did not offer any fancy features, such as cash back and bonus, I was still able to build the credit by using the card and paying the card debts. The early education of the financial concepts brought me the joy of building and managing the credit.

Now, my credit score is about 800; which is considered an excellent tier 1 credit. I was able to lease my car with a great deal, and open several credit cards that offer various advantages based upon the great credit score. Despite the bitter rejection for an early attempt to open a credit card, it certainly turned out to be the sweet result after all; know-hows on the credit management.

Hi Jane, I believe that you managed to write a level 3 essay here. Your narrative is related to the task assigned and your explanation is clear. Although there are several language problems in terms of vocabulary and sentence structure, these mistakes did not affect your overall presentation. As such, you were able to develop an essay which the reader could easily understand.

You need to engage yourself in more sentence structure development exercises. I can see that you have the potential to write at an almost native speaker level. The only problem is that you are not yet well versed in the typical English sentence structures and proper vocabulary usage. These are minor problems that can be easily remedied by your continued essay writing and language exercises.

Since this prompt was based on a personal story, I expected you to do a good job with this essay. Now I am eager to read about how you will handle the other type of CBEST essay, the one that doesn't rely on personal experience for the discussion. I hope you can post one like it soon. I am looking forward to helping you with it.

Dear @Holt,

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback. I will work on the sentence structure along with the usage. Hopefully, I could find a great tutor from the school writing center who could help me to remediate such problems that you listed. I feel less confident about writing the expository essay. Nevertheless, I believe that practices will do its job! I will post an expository essay soon. Thank you again.

Best,

Jane