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Celebrating Food - Traditional food will change by fast food ?

Mar 20, 2017   #1
Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.

Celebrating Food

Fast food these day become life stayle around citizent especially who live in urban area and change habitual inhabitans to eat. It is also might take place traditional food on heart the consumer who prefer to allow this life stayle. To be frankly honest, I totaly disagree with this motion due to several reasons.

Fast food restaurant nowadays is sparse almost every sides in the city. This is because it affordable for every one to buy and also simple to eat anywhere anytime that consumer want it. This hapen caused of fast food restaurant have their own way to attrack buyers to buy it in one pack, such as in french chicken resaturant in which sell chicken, rice, drink, and desert in low price. Therefore, it as draw for consumer particulary who have limit savings money but want to eat delicious food. Moreover, fast food also easy to bring and to consume hence, employees tend to choose this one as their lunch owing to limited time to rest.

In spite of that, slowly but sure traditional foods take them place again as popular cuisine in the midle of citizent. It is because some of people believe that fast food has higher risk as source disease such as cancer. Therefore, people who realise that prefer to consume traditional food than fast food. Besiedes, special cuisine to celebrate event such as Id Mubarak will not replaced by fast food restaurant due to, this as culture to eat that will be continuous as identical food to celebrate Id Mubarak.

As matter of fact, attandence of fast food restaurant can cause people easier particullary worker who have deadline for lunch and limit money. Yet, it might drive disease and also can not replace memoriable food to celebrate special event.
Holt [Contributor] 1506  
Mar 20, 2017   #2
Nisa, there are a large number of problems related to this particular essay. It has both good and bad points, positive and negative aspects. Therefore, I will not judge this essay on the overall merit of the essay but rather, in the scoring criteria. That way you will get a clearer idea as to which aspects of the essay you have to improve with your next tests.

Task Accuracy - 5 - You managed to properly address the prompt requirements in the first paragraph. While the grammar is problematic, it still allowed you to properly introduce the topic for discussion and your disagreement with it. This is the highest possible score for this part.

Coherence & Cohesiveness - 6 - while the information can be understood with some difficulty and the ideas are coherent, your use of cohesive devices proves to be problematic due to grammar issues in the essay. The sentences you wrote can definitely be considered to be faulty so your referencing is not always clear to the reader.

Lexical Resource - 4 - The vocabulary used is often faulty in spelling. The incorrect spelling often causes problems for the reader in terms of trying to understand what you are trying to say. If you were just careless this time around, make sure to take care and try to spell properly in your next practice test.

Grammar Range & Accuracy - 4 - There is a clear lack of ability to properly form even the simplest of English sentences. Improper sentence formation and grammar inaccuracies cover at least 50 percent of the paper which affects the presentation, punctuation, and comprehensibility of the overall essay.

The scores above are the ratings that I believe your score could get as the highest possible marks had this been an actual IELTS Task 2 test.
akbarmappiare 275  
Mar 20, 2017   #3
Hi Nisa, welcome to Essay Forum. I hope you can harness as well as possible for improving your skill.

I have read your essay closely and found many things which you have to develop. Before I turn to your contents, I wanna remind you that when you expect to get feedback fully, please you include the statement entirely. Reviewers cannot recognize the variety of your essay.

Turning to your essay, you have still had a great number of misspellings. It is exactly a minor error, but that can reduce your score. Please, you double check your essay to avoid this matter. Following that, you are expected to include the general view in your thesis statement. To make an examiner impressed, you can describe briefly what you are gonna review in the body paragraph. Your thesis statement is usual because your reason is nothing.

For your body paragraph, you are supposed to construct a paragraph systematically. In the first body paragraph, you confused readers in the second and third sentence because your flow was messy so that they found a difficulty in deciding the supporting sentence influencing directly on the controlling idea. I suggest you reread your essay before uploading to make sure what you write is what you mind. Following this, your example relating to the idea was less strong. Pay attention to this sentence below

who have limit savings money but want to eat delicious food

(When you wanna strengthen your previous statement with making a concession, don't present new matter "saving money". Keep consistency.)
A closer look at your second body paragraph reveals you involved your perspective, but you did not review clearly. You said that the fast food can bring the negative effect for the healthy, but you did not write an illustration to encourage your view. If you do not, it will seem as layman opinion. After that, you unsuccessfully meet the requirement about the conclusion. To create the conclusion, you actually need to paraphrase the thesis statement or restate what you have elucidated in the body paragraph.

Hopefully, those my suggestions can help you for finalizing this. Practice more and more
Happy writing
Mar 27, 2017   #4
Hallo miss nisa, I have some mistakes from your essay. I do not only find many mistakes of your spelling but also your words contain informal words in your essay. You will know with your-self about formal or informal words. You also have to pay more attention with subject-verb agreement because your essay has incorrect sentences with it.

This is because it affordable = you should add to be "This is because it is affordable..."

This hapen caused of fast food restaurant have their own way to attrack buyers to buy it in one pack = you should "This happened because fast food restaurant have their own way to invite shoppers to buy it in one pack"

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