"Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
"How do celebrities become famous?'' That question has become a source of controversy over in the world. The rational of this question is less clear and dependent on individual opinion. The most answers received are by their glamour, wealth and a lot kind of scandals to increase bad influence on young generation. Based on Mỹ experience, I definitely agree with them. There are two reasons for my perspective on this
First of it , Causing negative effects and bad example on young people .The message to young people is that success can be achieved easily is an obvious evidence. Some people think that the more scandals celebrities get, the more famous they are. Consequently, if one wants to be famous, one must know how to get glamour and wealth. No matter how illegal one is trying to. Can you imagine when it becomes a theory that so hard does one work that one gets nothing at all. There, school works is not necessary. Paris Hilton is known by scandals. She spends the most of times attending parties and nightclubs instead of training to become good character. She is a good example for who achieved fame by wrong reasons. Moreover, they are bad role models that young people trend to follow. Not only have celebrities used their glamour and wealthy to be known, but also they have used such as: alcohol ,marihuana, sexual harassments, outrageous words ,.....
However, there are many celebrities whose accomplishments to be developed real skills and abilities for young people. When they appear on magazines reality program, they always feel confident because they are self -made celebrities .As celebrities, it is inevitable to avoid scandals. In my opinion, they know how to fix any problem with the slightest of the ease. Not them have they exploited to get attention from audiences
In conclusion, everything is ''easy come easy go". Only when one works so hard, does one get what one wants. I recommend all celebrity's fan to separate their good stuffs to study and bad stuffs to avoid
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,159 3636
Mai, this essay would automatically fail in an actual test because it is very obvious that you did not understand the prompt instructions. In fact, for your opening statement, rather than presenting a paraphrased version of the prompt discussion, you presented a totally different discussion question. It is the question that you chose to present to the reader, in opposition to the actual prompt discussion, that you ended up discussing in your essay. The essay also has a problem with sentence structure as your punctuation marks as misplaced or missing in some instance. For example. a period should have been placed at the end of the last sentence in the opening statement. The lexical resource is also problematic because you are using terms that do not apply to the discussion. I think that is being caused by your lack of familiarity with the English language. Terms such as "trend to follow" should have been written as "tend to follow". This is the term that indicates the possibility that a person will imitate something he has seen or heard. Marihuana should have been "marijuana", and other problems, have created a lexical and grammatical nightmare in your essay. When added up, this essay will not possibly get a passing score. I hope that this is just your first practice essay. If you take note of the aforementioned observations, you should be able to show improvement in your next and succeeding essays. You can only get better from here.
I agree with Holt. You seem to be missing the main issue here. If you agree that contemporary celebrities are setting a bad example to young people, you should support your stand by providing examples and or reasons. One example may be how your younger sister once uploaded a youtube video where she had fancy makeup and had fancy dress up intending to get famous as some of her role model(celebrity) once did.