Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


[IELTS] Does a celebrity benefit society or not? (Cambridge IELTS 9 G1 Task2)


RomanticDog 2 / 7 1  
Nov 21, 2013   #1
It is a dream of each individual to become a celebrity during the entire life. Undoubtedly, famous people are dazzle and rich in society, however, public are now starting to concern about the problems which may cause by them. For my view, I personally agree that more benefits are generated from celebrities.

Simply, wealthy life and social reputations are the most basic aspects for a famous person living in societies. And these two fundamental elements could be a role model for citizens and also promote the development of the human race. With admiration, people who are struggling in their career may generate positive energy to approach higher life aims. Further more, to be a role model, celebrities may bring more professional acts in their field because of the pressures from the universe. To maintain their reputations, celebrities should make great efforts on their careers. More qualified entertainment will be published for citizens as a consequence, which certainly could improve the spiritual conditions.

On the contrary, negative effects may appear when the number of celebrities is increasing. It is very had to change the personality of one person, and being famous may lead it to an incorrect state, and then cause some community problems. For example, Xiaosong Gao, a song editor and famous director in China, caught by the police under the name of drunken driving. The news was published by medias and discussed in the public due to his undesirable behavior. On the other hand, too many wealthy people may enlarge the gap between the wealthy people and the needys. Poor families may hate those millionaires who live a luxury and dissipation life, therefore even more criminals occur.

As those two sides mentioned above, I admit the celebrity effect is the double-edged sword. Pros and cons can hardly separate from it. 'Great power comes with great responsibility', the whole society still needs numerous celebrities to establish the positive image and devote beneficial activities to public.


  • Task Title
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 21, 2013   #2
It is a dream of each individual to become a celebrity during the entire life.

... I find this statement unfair. Not everybody is interested in becoming a celebrity although there can be many such people. Also, you need to re-organize the words to deliver your idea properly to the reader;

For many people, becoming a celebrity is a dream throughout their entire life.

however, public are now starting to concern about the problems which may cause by them.

I don't find much logic in this statement too.

For my view, I personally agree that more benefits are generated from celebrities.

In my personal view, I agree that the celebrities benefit the society.
Well.... It is good if you included the full prompt with your essay, because what I understand from your title is something different to what you have written above.


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Does a celebrity benefit society or not? (Cambridge IELTS 9 G1 Task2)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳