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Celebrity/ famous film star/ sports personality - 'opt for entertainment field'


Naveed786 8 / 21 4  
Mar 17, 2014   #1
Dear Friends,
I will be grateful if you could review my essay from all perspective, including " Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, grammar, etc.

IELTS-GT- (Task2): Being a celebrity such as famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity bring more benefits or problems?

There are several professions in this world. Some people love to opt for a profession in which they earn fame as well as huge amount of money and become celebrities, while others think they do not have an ability to become celebrity and choose to become doctors, engineers etc. However, I would personally agree with the fact that being a celebrity brings much of fame, monetary gain and luxurious life style.

First of all, there is no doubt about the fact that being celebrity , be it film starts or sport starts, they receive an immense amount of people's love and attraction that they would have never received if they would have chosen to opt for normal profession. For Instance, Tom Cruise, is one the the super star of holly wood film industry, he must be earning huge not only huge amount of money, but also living a luxurious life style and people's love. Many of my friends and even myself are great fan of him. Being celebrity, Tom Cruise became famous in very young age which would never have been possible if he would have chosen to become doctor or engineer.

Second of all, being a celebrity, they are paid beyond the imaginations of normal person and attain the highest peak of their career from monetary point. I would like to mentioned an example here. I personally know a super film star, who used to be my college friend and we used to study together in the same class. After graduation, I continued to pursue my career in the field of engineering, where as he preferred to become a film start celebrity and opted for film industry career. After 05 years, when I look at myself, I am still there struggling in my career to get enough money and respect, where as he has achieved his goad. He has become a successful film star, people know him more than me. He is being paid beyond my imagination. However, he is very busy person, every one has to take appointments week ahead to meet him, he has to accompany a body guard along with him every time.

On the other hand, there are some problems associated being a celebrity. They can not come outside their home being photographed. They have quite busy and hectic life though they are paid high but they do not have their personal life, as they can not go outside meet their friends and family easily like a common man. Moreover, there always remains an uncertainty. For Instance, they may never know in couple of year they may replaced by following young talented person. Lets consider a Pakistani Sports star Imran khan, he was replaced by waseem akram, later on Waseem Akram replaced by Shahid Afridi and it will continue to happen.

To conclude this, I would like to present my point of view on this. Nevertheless, being celebrity brings some problems, and I am given a second chance in my life, I would prefer to opt for entertainment field and would love to become celebrity. In this way, I will be successful in achieving the peak of my career, become a rich guy and can live a luxury life.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 17, 2014   #2
However, I would personally agree with the fact that being a celebrity brings much of fame, monetary gain and luxurious life style.

This is actually not what your prompt requests you to agree on. Instead it asks whether you agree that being a celebrity has more benefits for a person compared to things he or she needs to sacrifice. Always align your writing with the task that prompt has given you. You seem to follow a good structure for your introduction, but you also need to stay with your prompt :)
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Mar 17, 2014   #3
However, I would personally agree with the fact that being a celebrity brings much of fame, monetary gain and luxurious life style.

This is actually not what your prompt requests you to agree on.

I agree with Dumi. Stick to the topic you are about to discuss.

Tom Cruise, is one the the super stars of holly wood film industry,

I would like to mentioned an example here. Infinitive to plus base form of verb . Also, avoid writing that way; it is not a good transitional point.

To conclude this , I would like to present my point of view on this. Instead of writing that way, you may directly present your view/s for your conclusion.
spykersandy 1 / 2  
Mar 18, 2014   #4
naveed786 - try to avoid repetition of words and use synonym instead of that.
OP Naveed786 8 / 21 4  
Mar 18, 2014   #5
Thanks Dumi, spykersandy and niesaysi for your valuable comments.


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