Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems...


Dhaliwal1 2 / 3  
Apr 24, 2015   #1
Being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits.

Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?


In our daily life, we come across various stories about the famous personalities that reflect their fascinated lifestyle. Although, celebrities can earn an extravagant way of living, still there are several problems they have to face owing to their renowned reputation. This essay will discuss both merits and demerits of being famous before reaching a conclusion.

...

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Apr 24, 2015   #2
1st paragraph: Delete the before famous. Change fascinated to fascinating lifestyles (you discuss more than one personality so lifestyle has to be plural). I wouldn't say someone has earned an extravagant way of living. You can possibly mention that some wealthy celebrities have an extravagant way of living. I think you mean that the problems they face are a result of the fame. Please delete "before reaching a conclusion".

2nd paragraph: You can end this first sentence by stating, "is appealing or gratifying". If you use gratifying, it will show that being famous is satisfying, because luxury items are more affordable. Huge money can also be stated as large sums of money or a fortune. I think you need to describe why someone who is a star would like the limelight and media attention because the sentence is incomplete. Would this give them more opportunities to make more money? Does it boost self confidence? I think you shouldn't use he or she because there are many men and women celebrities. The last sentence change enjoys to enjoy.

3rd paragraph: The first sentence can be a response to how we view media. For example, maybe we think someone lives a certain lifestyle because we read about it or see it on television, but many years later we hear a different story about his or her life. These celebrities may not live a life that is portrayed or told through media outlets. Is this your argument? If you want to quote the saying it is actually, "don't judge a book by its cover". If you use this saying you have to know how to use it in a way that is easy for the reader. It sounds confusing with the way it is placed in this paragraph. Yet, discussing internal troubles is a good point to make.This sentence about the media capturing every single action needs to be changed. Do you feel that the media captures too much of their personal life and it makes celebrities uncomfortable? If you begin to talk about performances then you maybe discussing a specific type of celebrity. If you change it to "be the best" and relate this to "fans" and not audiences, then this could apply to many celebrities. You can change the next sentence to "result in the end" or "possibly end their career". I think you need to explain this last sentence. I believe you are trying to state that famous people can live a depressing life because of the pressures of fame.

4th paragraph: I really like this first sentence. However, the next sentence sounds like you are the celebrity. You need at least two or more sentences to conclude this paragraph.


Home / Writing Feedback / Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems...