celebrities presence in the mass media
Nowadays, the media spends much time to find out the lives of celebrities and their private relationships. They always have to update their lives in order to catch public's eyes. While normal people are rarely appeared on the first page of daily news. I think the media should change their object and pay more attention to the ordinary people.
If the media continues concentrating on the lives and relationships of well-known people, it will put pressure on celebrities when they cannot live normally and comfortably like others. For example, there was many famous people put an end to their life because that was too much for them to bear. They do not have freedom to do normal things like go shopping, hang out with their friends and date in public when they are followed by paparazzi. That activities must be severely criticized when the life of stars is being violated. Therefore, the private lives of celebrities must be secured against and the media should usually report news about usual people.
Secondly, the public almost do not care about the ordinary people life because there is no reason that the public can read more about them. They just interest in the famous people though there are also the large amount of the achievement that normal people gained. Such as volunteers who help the poor too much by their charity. Moreover, a businessman who try their best to establish and expand their businesses from starting-point and become successful businessman. In my opinion, the mass media should report the award of celebrities and ordinary people because it brings us a positive energy and encourages us to be more hard-working and active in the life.
To sum up, I strongly believe that the mission of mass media is to convey the essential and good news about awards that man obtained. They can report the lives of celebrities but in a certain limit and change to the ordinary people life.
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As this is an extent essay, your actual opinion must be presented in the paraphrasing section to help represent your thesis statement. In essence, the concluding paragraph that you wrote should be in the restatement section because it offers information the examiner is looking for:
- A clear opinion on the topic
- Reasons for your opinion
- A complete assessment of the discussion topic
Combined, these would all help to increase your TA score as your opinion will be immensely clear to the examiner. Always remember that you are first scored on the clarity of your opinion and understanding of the given topic before anything else.
It also appears that you have misunderstood the original topic for the discussion. Comparing it to the original prompt, I see the following response error:
OT: They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy.
YT: I think the media should change their object and pay more attention to the ordinary people.
it would appear that there is a prompt deviation in your restatement. Since you did not provide the original prompt for this topic, I am basing this assumption on the commonly used prompt for this. Now, if you are responding to a different topic, then you should have included the original prompt for a more accurate review. As far as I can read, and as far as I know, your essay does not meet passing score guidelines.