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IELTS-Writing task 2: Celebrity show engages viewers


dyah 1 / -  
Feb 2, 2015   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Media are source of actual information. The fact, they notice profoundly to celebrities lives, inclusive actors, singers or footballers. Some people argue that media should broadcast ordinary people instead. However, I personally believe that celebrity show is not the best choice to viewers.

Media ceaseless toil to present activities of favourite celebrities as their attractive programmes. It is indisputable that showing entertainment fans are becoming popular recorded as high rating program. Research shows, a number of TV viewers in New York follows celebrity shows and is being touted. Even though some of people acknowledge that watching celebrity shows has negative sides, they keep track on entertainment news.

In addition, celebrity shows take out of a modern lifestyle. For straightforward example, bet(dot)com as online news media provides lots of entertainment info for American and African. The website is prevailing to be visited as the viewers feel that the news are informative and relevant to this era. As it can be seen from the example, celebrity show gives broadly contemporary information.

On the other hand, reporting of common people life is considered as the inspirative programme. Viewers can gain new real story enriching their perspectives. Taking a good example, Keluarga Cemara, a story about ordinary family, was chosen as the most favourite program and obtained many rewards. As a result, viewers get precious memory after watching such programme.

Speaking personally, celebrity show undeniably leds to several detriment effects. Firstly, such programmes cause addicted so that people who favour this show tend to neglect their primary duty. Secondly, the content of broadcast only performs glamorous lifestyle which is not always appropriate for most viewers. Thirdly, celebrity show orientates people to be more extravagant as they are motivated to follow what famous figures do. To conclude, I reckon the broadcast of common people life is more beneficial due to its value. It is imperative for viewers to select inspirative programme to avoid idle away time.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 2, 2015   #2
Your writing style is quite unique! The only part that i reckon you have to to rewrite is the last one. Attempt to list your ideas without relying on filler words such as firstly secondly thirdly...

And more thing, it is congruous to write 6 paragraphs ,i.e., you should have decoupled the conclusion and your opinion
Hopefully, it was lucrative for you at some extent!
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Feb 2, 2015   #3
Hi Dyah, I have several comments and suggestion for you :

GRAMMATICAL ISSUES :

Media are source of actual information

Media = don't you think that you should put an article "the" ? check your vocabulary. I am afraid it is inappropriate.

Source = a source / sources

favourite celebrities

favorite celebrities

fans are becoming popular recorded

fans are becoming more popular recorded

a number of TV viewers in New York follows

it should be plural = a number ... follow / the number ... follows

some of people

some people

For straightforward example

For straightforward examples or For a straightforward examples

the news are informative

the news is informative

gain new real story

gain a new real story / gain new real stories

There are many grammatical errors :(. To tell you the truth, I intend to comments your flows and Idea but I think it would be better if you recheck your grammar first.

I hope my comments can help you to improve your writing.

KEEP STUDY, KEEP SPIRIT.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 3, 2015   #4
Media are (a) source of actual information. TheIn fact, they notice profoundly(this is inappropriate verb, so I delete it) to celebrities lives, inclusive actors, singers or footballers. Some people argue that media should broadcast ordinary people instead. However,( there is no contrast opinion here, so you are not allowed to use this cohesive device) I personally believe that celebrity show is not the best choice to viewers. Let's give a try for this; As the source of actual information, today's mass media focus too much on celebrities' lives and relationship. While this is true to some extent as the news of famous people, such as actors, singers or football players are by far more interesting, I would also argue that ordinary people needing and wanting a lot love and attention could be a great deal of media hype.

Pay attention to the use of vocabularies. Some can't be used to describe what you intend. This is because they have different meanings although they are closely. Beware of using thesaurus. Also, I think you need more improvements on your topic sentences. Each topic should be aligned with the thesis statement.


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