The diagrams illustrate the cement making process and the type of equipment and materials used to produce the cement and the way of using cement to produce concrete. Overall, the steps of making cement are more complicated and require advanced machinery while concrete production needs right proportion in simpler machine.
Starting with the first diagram, cement is produced by combine raw materials such as limestone, clay, and processed on an instrument called a crusher. Then, they are all mixed together and entered into a rotating heater. As in the heating tube rotates, heat is introduced from the end of tube before the mixture is really down to the grinder. Futhermore, after all the systematic process finished, the mixture turned into some cement which is then packed into bags.
Meanwhile, for the second diagram, the production of concrete needs four main elements with 15 percent cement, 10 percent water, proportion of sand and gravel by 25% and 50% respectively. These materials are mixed together in a large concrete mixer which aims to produce concrete used in buildings.
Rahmi, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:
The diagrams illustrate... (1st sentence)
The values are measured... (2nd sentence)
Overall, it can be seen that, the steps of making.. (3rd sentence)
The second body of your essay also has the same problem. If you don't serve up the information from the chart in the proper way within the essay, you will badly damage your final grade in the essay. I suggest that you approach the second body in the following manner:
Meanwhile, for the second diagram... (1st sentence)
Sand and gravel... (2nd sentence) (I suggest to separate this one because it consists of shop-listing. Too many data in a single paragraph)
These materials are mixed... (3rd sentence)
Hello kurniarahmi
... production needs right proportion in simpler machine. Limestone and clay are included in crusher and then pass through into three stages so that ready for use a cement. Beside that, to producing concrete, cement can be combined with sand, water and small stone.(I add one sentence so that make your essay in the first paragraph will be better)
... before the mixture is really down to the grinder. FuthermoreFurthermore , after all the systematic process finished, the mixture turned into some cement which is then packed into bagsthe cement is packed with bags .
I hope it helped. Regards
Hi Rahmi, first of all, when you post an analysis you have to make sure to post the diagram or graph as this will be the representation of the information you provided in the essay, even more so, the graph or diagram is where we are going to draw the source of our criticisms and observation.
Having said that, I would like to share a few modifications on your essay following the guidelines of the English language.
- needs the right proportion
- in a simpler machine.
- Starting with theThe first diagram shows cement
- is produced by combinecombining raw
- As in the heating tube rotates,
- heat is introduced fromat the end
- of the tube
- before the mixture is really down to the grindergrounded .
- Fur thermore, after all the
- the mixture is turned into
- some cement which
There you have it Rahmi, overall, there's not much to change or modify in your analysis, just very minor details that enhance or made your analysis stronger than it was originally written.
Hi Rahmi it is a good essay
- As in the heating tube rotates,
- of the tube
-the mixture is turned into
good luck
