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Certain prisoners should be made to do an unpaid community work instead of being put to jail

vudinhhieu 1 / -  
Sep 2, 2018   #1

putting serious crimes in a community

Some people suggest that criminals should repay their community with volunteer work rather than to be imprisoned. While I agree with this to certain extent, I believe that putting serious crimes in community result in many potential risks.

On the one hand, there are some benefits of prisoners doing social work for community. First of all, this will make offenders useful in their local communities. For instance, they can clean streets, talk to school groups, and attend in producing products. This may result in reduction in the number of social workers needed in communities, using taxes effectively, and social reintegration of ex-prisoners later on. Furthermore, this is a good form of crime prevention because it creates a fear of punishments among potential offenders. The evidence is that besides learning many valuable stories from that, children could also stay from exposure to potential crimes, which prevent them to commit crimes in later life.

However, I think that law authorities should note other perspectives about imprisonment apart from serving for community. Firstly, doing unpaid public work is not a sufficient punishment because it may not reform offenders. As a result, some criminals might recommit crimes more seriously. For example, rape crime and theft are likely to continuously commit further offences later on as they have a dysfunction in the decision-making process, according to psychologists. Secondly, criminals should be locked up away from their victims. This is because they have to take the responsibility for the pain and loss that victims and their loved ones experienced.

In conclusion, it is certainly true that unpaid community work could be considered in rehabilitating criminals, but it does not mean that authorities should entirely rely on this method to reform offenders.
Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Sep 2, 2018   #2
Hi, I am an IELTS learner too, but I hope that my advice is helpful to you.
Overall, your paragraph structure is pretty good, but from my point of view, the second point in your paragraph about the benefits of unpaid community work is a little confusing. Why making criminals doing social work can create a fear of punishment and prevent children form committing crimes themselves? You need to explain it more in detail.

Your grammar is very good and you use a wide range of sentences.
You only have small mistakes in your essay. You know a lot of words, but some of them are not used correctly.

putting serious criminals

talk to school groups
I would use "students".

attend to making products
" Producing products" sounds awkward to me.

... apart from serving the community
"Serve" don't go with "for". Besides, I don't understand the "serving the community" part. Do you mean " the authorities should note the positive side of imprisonment"?

sex offenders and thieves are likely to continue to commit f...
I don't think you should use "continuous" here because it has a different meaning.

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