This is my essay there were instructions except to write an essay describing a personal challenge I faced at school and how I dealt with it.
At school, my challenge was being a sixth grader in a seventh grade math class. I felt like an outcast, but I had to deal with the situation.
In the beginning of the year, all the six graders were required to take a math test in order to see if you were eligible to get into the seventh grade math class.
The test was on sixth grade math, which made it easy for me because I had already learned sixth grade math last year in my gifted and talented class at Stratton.
A few days later after I took the test, I was told by my homeroom teacher, Mrs. Biddle, to go to the computer lab with a few other kids because I had passed the first part of the test.
I was to take the second part of the test, which I also had to pass in order to get into seventh grade math. I ended up getting a phone call home saying that I had also passed the second part of the test and was eligible to get
into seventh grade math, but I needed my parent's permission first. My parents gladly gave me their permission.
At first, I was excited for a challenge. I would not have to redo everything I had already learned. But all my excitement crashed when I saw all the unknown faces. None of my friends had
gotten into seventh grade math with me. I was a lone wolf who did not know what to do. Mrs. Robinson, my new math teacher, assigned me to a seat next to a girl who was really friendly.
Her name was Suzie, and she was my first flicker of hope. She introduced herself and I returned the favor. We got the know each other and even exchanged emails. Pretty soon, everyone
was friendly to me.
My social challenge was over, but I still had trouble catching up on what the seventh graders were doing. Since school had already started for a couple weeks, I had gotten used to the sixth grade system.
The way my new math teacher's system worked was totally different. I realized that in seventh grade, I would be having a lot more homework. My friends and I often do our homework together, but they always
got done before me. This was because of my math homework. Whenever I showed my friends how much math homework I had, they would go, "wow". Even on my first day of seventh grade math, I had a to take
a quiz. The rest of the class had already learned this lesson, but I had not. I tried my best, but most of it was very confusing. I had a pretty hard time trying to catch up. I worked alone at home trying to learn the
lessons I had missed and I worked out my schedule so I could have time to finish all of my homework.
good job u should probably specify what you want to be revised though
1st line - lackluster opening sentence.. "I had to deal with the situation" < we understand that at some point you felt you had to resolve this challenege, that's implied. So what are you telling us?
2nd line - all the sixth graders... to see if they
poor intro all aroud, no defined objective, just straight into your detached recital.
even if you are working under a word constraint, you should have some closure in your conclusion
speaking of which, the conclusion becomes awkward and confusing. this might have something to do with informal terms and tense problems.
I felt like an outcast, but I had to deal with the situation at school. My challenge was that I was a sixth grader in a seventh grade math class.
How about like that? You have to catch their attention at the start.
I like your exposition of the situation, and it really shows that you are a good, serious student. The fact that you describe the difficulty you had keeps you safe from sounding like you are bragging. You seem to have done everything right!
Why does it seem like you have so many line breaks. I see 4 distinct paragraphs with a lot of line breaks within each. That first paragraph should be lengthened and you should give the "thesis," the moral of the story, at the end of that first paragraph.
Good luck!!!! Congratulations for your high achievement.
"My friends and I often do our homework together, but they always got done before me. " You should revise this sentence to make your tenses more consistent.
Your conclusion could use some work, too. Really, you just seem to stop writing, rather than taking the time to draw some main point from the details you have provided about your experience. So, you could add a sentence or two that did that, and your essay would end on a stronger note.
