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Challenging life in a country where we need to communicate via foreign language


kiki94094  
Aug 7, 2018   #1

IELTS cambridge13 test1 writing task2



Hi, everyone. This is my first time posing an essay on this forum. I hope to receive some advice.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Answer:
Some people believe that choosing a life in a country where we need to communicate via foreign tongue cause issue Not only in social aspect but also in practical part in the life. In my opinion, I totally agree with the viewpoint.

On the one hand, for people who doesn't possess the foreign language, they may encounter some social issue when moving to a new country. One problem is the culture difference between foreign country and the country they grew up. Learning a language not only help people to communicate with foreigners but also deepen their knowledge about the culture. Therefore, for those who don't skilled in the second language will probably need more time to adapt themselves into a whole new environment. Furthermore, people may feel like outsiders because of language barrier. Therefore, they would rather stay in the circle of people from the same country. As a result, they couldn't really fit into the foreign country.

On the other hand, it seems that this also causes several practical problems in their lifes. Firstly, for the adults without foreign language proficiency, they may not reach the acquirement for a better employment in the country, thus, they would end up getting a job with lower salary. Secondly, children will face difficulties in school, therefore, they need to work harder than other students in the same age. Moreover, it will be difficult for them to interacte with others, so they probably have problem on making new friends. Finally, the language barrier will also influence their daily life. For example, they will have trouble to make an order in the restaurant because they can't even read the menu.

In conclusion, it's better for people to master in the foreign language before they move to the foreign nation, otherwise, they will spend lots of time and energy on dealing with these troubles.

(309 words)

TriceLiu 6  
Aug 8, 2018   #2
Hi Min-Chi! I think your essay has a clear structure and includes several impressive opinions. I have some advice that may improve it:

1. Pay attention to sunject-verb agreement. It is a simple grammatical rule that everybody knows, so all you need is more carefulness :)
people who doesn't do not possess ...;
... not only helps people to ...
Also, do not use contractions in academic writing. Instead of "doesn't", use "does not" to make your essay more formal.

2. Organize your ideas. For example, in your third paragraph:
Practical problem 2: "Children will face difficulties in school, therefore, they need to work harder..."
Practical problem 3: "Moreover, it will be difficult for them to interacte with others..."
Practical problem 4: "Language barrier will also influence their daily life..."

These three problems overlap with each other. Children may find it hard to interact with the teacher, so they need to work harder (3 and 2); Language barrier could influence their daily life by hindering their interactions with others (3 and 4). You listed many brilliant ideas but should have analysed or organized them more carefully, making your essay seem underdeveloped.

You may reorganize para. 3 by deviding it into two parts: practical problems for (1.) adults and (2.) children, instead of writing one point for adults and three overlapping points for children.

Hope this helps!
Holt [Contributor] 1595  
Aug 8, 2018   #3
Min-Chi, you cannot totally agree with the point of view and then use a comparative essay discussion. When you use a single point of view agreement / disagreement, then that is the only point of view that you can present in the essay. However, if you present a partial agreement / disagreement with the statement, then you can use a comparative essay presentation. So your essay will lose points because it does not properly discuss the prompt based upon your given thesis statement in the prompt paraphrase. You also forgot that there is a 5 sentence maximum requirement per paragraph. Try to write short but complete thought presentations in every paragraph but avoid run on sentences are you are prone to do in this essay.

You failed to double check your punctuation marks in the presentations of your paraphrase. You need a period after the word "issue" because that is the actual end of that sentences. The next line "Not" indicates a new sentence because of the capitalized word. You created a senseless run-on sentence and that will have an effect on your GRA scoring due to the punctuation marks and sentence development considerations, which you did not deliver properly. Even your concluding paragraph, which is supposed to be a summarized presentation of the previous discussion is a run-on sentence, which will be another mark down in your final score.
OP kiki94094  
Aug 9, 2018   #4
@TriceLiu
Thank you so much. I will be more careful about the basic rule and the organization of me essay.
@Holt
Thank for your advice. I will check my grammar next time.


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