Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone


anhdt117 1 / 3 1  
Jun 2, 2017   #1
Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

believe in destiny



The development of the society has led to many social issues. It is argued that fortune plays a leading role in the success of anyone. While I accept that luck is an important element, I disagree with this argument and will elaborate in detail.

On the one hand, I believe that people who do not believe much in hazard can also gain their goals. For example, Mark Zuckerburg is a great illustration. He dropped his study in Harvard University to set up his own company. It means that achievement is not only as a result of being fortunate, it almost comes from his characteristics, such as decisiveness and optimism. In my case, when I took a 15-minute exam and my head was blank. Provided I had always been blessed, I couldn't have done anything in that case. It also means that attainment is largely due to personality, sometimes just a bit of luckiness.

On the other hand, I suppose that chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone. For instance, when I was 15, I had to pass the entrance exam to learn in the gifted high school. But I failed and then I took some days to make clear why I couldn't overcome it. After a few days, I realized that I didn't learn by heart a crucial mathematical formula. Therefore, we could not reach our targets as a consequence of our having not tried, not because of our having not being lucky.

For the reasons mentioned above, I assume that whether or not someone attains their purposes is not because of their destinies.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,289 3984  
Jun 2, 2017   #2
Tuan, one of the most common mistakes that students make when writing this essay is that they try to justify both sides of the discussion when only one side is required for the presentation. Note that the prompt instruction asks you "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" When you are given an "extent" option, that means you are being given the opportunity to discuss the essay from the point of view that you can best support. That has to be the point of view that you believe in the most. "Or" means you have to pick only one line of reasoning that applies to your personal belief or understanding of the prompt. With that consideration in mind, I would have to say that you did not do a very good job on this essay. Due to the mistaken prompt discussion, you cannot score higher than a 2 using this essay. That is because you misunderstood the prompt requirement in relation to the type of discussion you are to present to the examiner. I apologize for giving you such a low score but when you take the TOEFL test, your English comprehension skills are at the forefront of the exam considerations. When you do not not discuss the essay based upon the instructions given, you will not score well overall. Most specially since your final sentence in the essay talks about a person's "destiny", which is totally different from the discussion about "luck" that the prompt instructed.
OP anhdt117 1 / 3 1  
Jun 2, 2017   #3
@Holt
Thank you very much for your comments. Maybe my essay is off topic. I will rewrite my it until it becomes okay. I find it difficult to do task 2 in IELTS test in terms of ideas. Anyway, a mentor like you is precious. Thank you again! Hope that you will help me more and more in writting

@Holt
But I wrote that '' I disagree with this argument and will elaborate in detail.'' So I concluded that '' I believe that people who do not believe much in hazard can also gain their goals'' and '' I suppose that chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone''. I means that just partly not mostly ? I think that I chose just one side ?
daiha20082009 6 / 9  
Jun 2, 2017   #4
I think you did a good job on grammar, I can learn from you. Besides, I feel like your essay was going to go beyond the point as I kept reading it. Lastly, from my experience, the last paragraph should contain at least 3 sentences
OP anhdt117 1 / 3 1  
Jun 4, 2017   #5
Do you guys can check my rewritting again ?
It is argued that fortune plays a leading role in the success of anyone. However, I completely disagree with this argument and will elaborate in detail.

On the one hand, I advocate the notion that people who are hard-working and determined can attain their goals. For example, Mark Zuckerburg is a great illustration. He thoughtfully decided to drop his study in Harvard University and set up his own company. Then, he spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to create a social network called Facebook that we use nowadays. Another clear evidence is Nguyen Ngoc Ky. This disabled man could not write by hand, but he had enough determination to teach himself to write by foot. After that, he would become one of the greatest teachers of education in Viet Nam. It it not ascribed to luck anyway, I believe it comes from his industriousness and determination.

On the other hand, the saying that hazard is significantly attributable to luck is vague. Firstly, people can not solely depend on luck to become successful. For instance, lazy students usually rely on fortune, so they just learn the leading parts that they think their teachers will examine them in the tests. Admittedly,whether or not he or she can pass the exam is no matter how lucky he or she may be. Secondly, luck could only lead people to a short-term achievement. A typical example for my belief is having a lottery. It totally is due to luck, there is nothing to make sure that it would continue to exist in the future.

For the reasons that I mentioned above, I assume that in order to achieve long-term goals, one must be extremely industrious and determined to follow his or her passion till the end.


Home / Writing Feedback / Chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone