'change must come from the top' - written for English CLEP

Thank you in advance for taking a look at this :)
Racheli

Question: US system of public edu. is criticised, what ideas would you like to see implemented? what needs to be done?

The education system in the United States has seen better day. Our scores have never been so low compared to the rest of the world. In order to change the system we must first look at the components making up the education system: the teacher and the students.

The education profession has become unpopular. Students finishing high school rather study computers or business' professions that are financially and image wise, better. The United States is loosing many of its potential educators.

As for the students, living in the digital age means getting what you want when you want it. The computer with its ever changing games, programs and options causes aggravation to children when entering the classroom. In addition, children's attention span is much shorter making it harder for them to grasp complex ideas.

These two variables make it very hard for both teachers and students to cooperate. Government funds must support teachers by raising salaries that will glorify the profession and attract young potential educators. Teachers need to find new ways to handle the short attention span and the students will have to deal with a long school day. This will allow more time to study, help with homework and enrichment in different areas of interest.

The change must come from the top. A government that supports and glorifies education as an important issue will win good teachers and good students that together yield ï good education.

Hello,

I changed the organization of the paragraphs... try it this way! I added "s" to the end of some words, too. Now, you just need to add a powerful, reflective, concluding sentence to the end of the last paragraph. Good luck!!

Kevin

The education system in the United States has seen better days . Our scores have never been so low compared to the rest of the world. In order to change the system we must first look at the components making up the education system: the teachers and the students. The education profession has become unpopular. Students finishing high school rather study computers or business' professions that are financially and image wise, better. The United States is loosing many of its potential educators.

As for the students, living in the digital age means getting what you want when you want it. The computer with its ever changing games, programs and options causes aggravation to children when entering the classroom. In addition, children's attention span is much shorter making it harder for them to grasp complex ideas. These two variables make it very hard for both teachers and students to cooperate. Government funds must support teachers by raising salaries that will glorify the profession and attract young potential educators. Teachers need to find new ways to handle the short attention span and the students will have to deal with a long school day. This will allow more time to study, help with homework and enrichment in different areas of interest.

The change must come from the top. A government that supports and glorifies education as an important issue will win good teachers and good students that together yield - good education.

Kevin, Thank you so much!
This helped and I hope I'll pass the CLEP.. :)