not really a good writer. But this is my draft for my college essay. Any suggestions for improvements and corrections ?
"Jenny, I don't want you to leave, your the best counselor I ever had" . For the first time in my life I felt loved and warmed by little children who I never thought I would be so close with. Before experiencing my work of volunteer, I hated little kids. I thought they were very aggravating and obnoxious. When it came time to babysitting my younger brother, I use to despise it and thought my mother was doing it on purpose to torture me. So when I was forced to do my volunteering at a school as a tutor, I instantly knew it was going to be a big failure and detrimental. Little did I know that my experience was going to alter my views on young kids and also build a wonderful relationship with so many little baby faces.
So my first week on the job, I was miserable. Literally I was walking around with a frown on my face, being very un-friendly and mean. The kids were an absolute annoyance, asking me questions and basically testing my patiences. I honestly wanted to quit, but then I realized for the sake of my grades I had to to stay. As weeks began to pass, I found myself growing closer to them. I often caught myself laughing at their jokes and silly ways. No longer was I losing my patiences when they didn't understand an assignment or when they didn't listen, instead I would reward them for being studious and behaving. I was enjoying my job so much more then I thought, it started to become a place where I can hide out from the world and be myself. Shocked to say, the kids were becoming my number one priority and my second home. So what I'm trying to say is, never in my seventeen years of living, would I thought eight to twelve year old children would teach me a lesson in life and change me for the better. They taught to me to be less judgmental and critical to something or someone I have never met and took time to get to know more. " You won't know until you try it" as one of my students would say, and she was right. If it wasn't for my volunteering necessity I would never have learned the true essence and happiness children could bring into your life. I was able to mature into a responsible young adult, because of them my relationship with my brother and parents is beyond better than before. No longer are there ignorant and unnecessary fights but love and affection. I was able to learn that spending time with kids shows you the real meaning of life, which is to live it and have fun. Well I'm glad I met the children I have met, because of them I have a change of heart and different view on life.
not testing my patiences: testing my patience.
losing my patiences: losing my patience
It definitely needs to be longer, but I like the gist of it. Try to make it maybe a little more formal, you sound like your talking to a fellow student: dont write it like a letter, write it like an essay.
"Jenny, I don't want you to leave, your the best counselor I ever had"
^ you're
I instantly knew it was going to be a big failure and detrimental.
^ this is a little redundant. maybe just stick with a big failure.
The second paragraph is too long. I think it needs to be split into smaller paragraphs.
Actually, I wonder about the format of your writing. i mean an essay needs three main parts; Introduction, body and conclusion. ^^
As far as I know, it can help people to easily catch your ideas. I can see your points in this essay, but how about a formal format? :P
