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If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change?


essay0405 7 / 16  
Sep 7, 2009   #1
This is the question:

If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

And below is my essay. Please check it for me and give me some advice. Thank you in advance.

Our world is changing everyday and we also have to change to catch up with the modernization of it and to make our country better. If I could change one important thing about my country, I will change our method of teaching in education.

Education is very crucial to everyone and every country. The future of one country depends on the youth and the youth depends on the education. In my country, students still have to do too much homework so they have less time to play and take part in other interesting activities. They also have to learn by heart all of the contents in the textbook. Students feel tired after school and of course, their results cannot as good as they want. Because of that, to have more excellent students, we should decrease the exercises they must do at home and teach them how to learn effectively so that when they work, they can organize everything properly and precisely.

Education not only decides the future of one country but it also decides the future of the whole world. If the next generation receives a good schooling, they can contribute much for the society with all of their responsibility. To do that, we have to make the students be interested in the lessons not make them be bored when they look at a list of assignments to do. There are many research proved that if the students are willing to learn, their score will be higher because they pay much attention the lessons.

A good method of teaching and learning also express the care of the government in education to develop the country. For example, when a group of professors from another country visit our country and some of our schools, they will see how the teacher works in the class and how the students react to the lessons with the support of modern equipment. If they see both of them well co-operate, they can realize that this country invests a lot in education and the government takes care of the next generation very carefully.

Therefore, if I have a chance to change one important thing in my country, my priority is to make the method of teaching better.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 7, 2009   #2
Our world is changing everyday and we also have to change to catch up with the modernization of it and to make our country better.

Strike this. It is unnecessary.

Education is very crucial to everyone and every country.

Absolutely true. So why, then, is it particularly necessary to change education in your country? What it your country, anyway? You don't say.

To answer this essay prompt properly, you need to identify your country, say precisely and concisely what is wrong with its education system, and then say how you would change that system. You have done some parts of that -- I am guessing, from what you have written, that you believe there is too much emphasis on rote learning and too little use of educational techniques that involve students in active discovery of knowledge -- but, overall, the essay is too vague.
Catlady 1 / 3  
Sep 7, 2009   #3
You have many grammatical errors. If english is not your first language you need to take extra care to ensure you use all the words, all the correct words, and in the correct context.

Also, I am not sure you really addressed what is wrong with your educational system. Students have too much school work to do, it is too boring and good teaching makes other countries respect your educational system. I do not see how these tie together. Finally, you do not really set on one thing to change. You should identify the one thing to change and write about reasons why it should change.

Hope this helps.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 11, 2009   #4
What do you mean by a standard school? There are many types of schools with many curricula and many ways of teaching the material that is meant to be covered. I think you should define exactly what you mean by that term.


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