Our world is changing everyday and we also have to change to catch up with the modernization of it and to make our country better.
Strike this. It is unnecessary.
Education is very crucial to everyone and every country.
Absolutely true. So why, then, is it particularly necessary to change education in your
country? What it your country, anyway? You don't say.
To answer this essay prompt properly, you need to identify your country, say precisely and concisely what is wrong with its education system, and then say how you would change that system. You have done some parts of that -- I am guessing, from what you have written, that you believe there is too much emphasis on rote learning and too little use of educational techniques that involve students in active discovery of knowledge -- but, overall, the essay is too vague.