to change is to risk something ,making us feel insecure .SAT writing ESSAY

My SAT Writing Task

Assignment

to change is to risk something ,making us feel insecure .Not to change is a bigger risk , though we seldom feel that way .There is no choice but to change .People however ,cannot be motivated to change from outside .All of our motivation comes from within.

Adapted from Ward Sybouts ,Planning in School Administration : A Handbook

Assignment What motivates people to change ? plan and write and essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue .Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading ,studies,experience or observations.

My essay

Our life is full of changes .We always try to accept this situation.We try but sometimes we feel this is not safe or we feel ourselves at risk .For that reason sometimes we hesitate to change But I think that being the same mood or style is also bad thing .This is also boring

I think that like every decisions changes have reason why we change or what motivates us to change .In my opinion it depends on people .For instance ; if someone bored with wearing same style clothes ,listening same type of songs ,changes reason is boredom .Sometimes we fall in love we change for our love partners .This motivates us to change for someone .

Nevertheless frequently changing is also bored person . Jumping one style to another or changing social life every time .This will make person sad and his/her life make meaningless or ridiculous

Finally , I think that changing is good but doing something more reduce or lose this thing value changing is not exception.

It does not flow well.. Try to keep it simple and concise and try to avoid awkward phrasing.

please tell me like which awkward phrases ?