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IELTS2 - Changes in family structures and family roles; fewer household members and working parents

Patryk0206 1 / 2 2  
Jul 17, 2019   #1

The family unit, and how it has changed

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Recent years have shown changes in structures and roles in families. This essay will discuss what the specific differences are nowadays, and it will prove that those changes are mostly positive.

The two main changes regarding family structures and also family roles are less members in the household as well as working parents. These days, many couples decide to have only one child at maximum rather than two or even more to be able enjoy their life and have more freedom whereas having more children or having children at an early stage of a relationship would force both parents to care for an infant as opposed to going out to a club every night. In addition, both parents decide to get a job the days, usually a full-time job whereas a couple of years ago, the mother had to stay at home and care for the child only; meanwhile, the father was the breadwinner of the family.

These changes are mostly positive. For instance, having only one child and allowing the female partner to work full-time means that the couple has more money available. However, working parents may have to neglect their child to be able to work and earn more money together. This development in the family roles can have a negative effect on the children. For example, parents are not able to control with whom their child spends time while they are at work. It can change its behaviour and even join some gangs.

In conclusion, changes such as fewer household members and working parents may give parents the opportunity to earn more money and keep it for themselves; however, it can also distract from caring for their child which can therefore lead to it becoming bad behaved. (289 words)
Dang Khoa 11 / 42  
Jul 17, 2019   #2
I AM SPEECHLESS!, your essay is so well-written and it's really hard to find out the mistakes in this essay. Indeed, there are some make me irritated ( i dont know if it's right or not because the way you write is definitely better than me :) )

In the 2nd paragraph: "... as opposed to going out to a club every night" I think being too detailed here is not right a lil bit because you know? Not all kind of parents want to go out for a club every night! Which i think u should make it lil bit general first then write that part down.

In the 3rd paragraph too: "... and even join some gangs." this one is also too detailed and u already know the reason.

Hope u find this helpful and if not, thanks for giving me useful vocab like "breadwinner" :) !
OP Patryk0206 1 / 2 2  
Jul 17, 2019   #3
@Dang Khoa
Cheers :D and no worries. I have the IELTS exam on Saturday, the 20th and I hope to do well in the Writing Task 2!
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jul 19, 2019   #4
Hello there. I'll provide you with extensive feedback on your writing.

Firstly, I suggest attempting to simplify your usage of language at times. I would prefer that if you can try to divide a line into two specific portions opt to do this. For instance, the second paragraph was packed with content - but, you were unable to fully flesh out your thoughts with more depth because of the flow of the content.

Secondly, try to use more academically appropriate words that would tailor fit your writing more. Creating a more concise structure means to try and attempt to construct meaningful and yet simplified content. For instance, words such as "not able" should be changed to unable. Having deconstructed sentences is often not recommended because it can clutter your content.

Best of luck as always.

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