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Ielts task 1: The changes of incident number happened in three areas of crime in Newport city center

mt30 1 / 1  
May 27, 2022   #1

the changing rates of crime in the inner city

The line chart illustrates the changes of incident number happened in three areas of crime in Newport city center including burglary, car theft and robbery between 2003 and 2012.

Overall, the number of incidents made by car thieves and robbers increased slightly while at the same time, the figure for burglary incident dropped considerably. all of them have some fluctuations. Although rate of burglary incident is highest initially, at the end of period, the number of car theft incident outraced the others.

With regard to the number of car theft incident, it began at about 2800 incidents at the first year before increasing slightly to around 2900 incidents in the next year, and hitting a lower-point of about 2000 incidents in 2006. Then, it witnessed a inconsiderable spike before falling again to around 2001 in 2008 and claimed back gradually to over 2500 in 2010 and reach a peak at about 2750 at the of period. Likewise, about 700 robbery incidents were recorded in the first year and the number increased extremely to approximately 900 incidents in 2005 before falling gradually to about 600 incidents in 2007 and 500 in 2008. In the rest of period, the robbery incident number rose significantly to around 750 in 2010 and the last number recorded was about 525 incidents in 2012.

On the other hand, initially burglary incidents number recorded at almost 3500 in 2003 and reached a peak at around 3750 in the next year. However, the figure dropped gradually and hit a lower-point of about 1200 incidents in 2008. From 2009 to 2011, the number of incidents only fluctuated below 1500 before falling to about 1850 incidents in 2012.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,223 4319  
May 27, 2022   #2
An "incident" is too general a reference that does not accurately identify the basis of the analysis. The please that should have been used is "crime incidents" in reference to the acts involved. The writer mistakenly used a ven-on sentence in the summary paragraph. He tried to connect 2 ideas in one sentence. These should have been stand alone sentence presentations as it refers to different topics, though connected to a main discussion point.

The writer shows a tendency to be redundant ashe continously writes "incident" with a very slight variation with "incidents'. Aside from being a grammatical issue, it also reduces the LR score as he proves to only be able to write using memorized words. He shows a degree of limited vocabulary that prevents him from presenting a better sentence structure. A spike in measurement is not inconsiderable.This incorrect word usage, based on word meaning in relation to idea presentation will further lower the LR score as he proves to understand English word meaning. These are but 2 references to the consistent word usage problem in the analysis essay.

He has a problem with sentence structuring as well. He failed to capitalize the first word of a sentence and did not even realize and correct the error. More practice and a conscious effort to proofread his work prior to submission is needed. He should focus on word usage accuracy and correct grammar instead of just writing a long analysis. His vocabulary needs to be accurate at all times.

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