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Nowadays changes need to be made regarding the school curriculum, prepare children for adulthood


saons 1 / -  
Mar 22, 2019   #1

transition from a child to an adult



We live in a world that changes all the time. School education should therefore reflect these changes in order to prepare children for adult life. With the clear purpose to achieve it a wide range of changes should be made in the school curriculum as soon as possible.

First we should consider what it is that will actually help children to prepare for adulthood. It is totally clear, that academic subjects do not prepare children for the future. Due to this fact, I would propose that a new subject would be introduced such as simply economical administration or basic first aid. It is a well-known fact that many people graduate high school knowing how to graph a polynomial and yet have no idea how to file for taxes, apply for a loan, or act in case of emergency.

Secondly, I strongly believe that every child should be taught to develop their critical thinking instead of pushing them to learn by heart loads of useless contents. Not only are children not going to remember any content but it will not be useful in their daily life.

On the other hand, removing some a subsidiary subject like religion would be an essential step when it comes down to controversial subjects. At this day and age, we live in a multicultural society, hence religion should disappear from school.

To sum up, I would say that broadly speaking, school curriculum is such an important point referent to children life that government should tackle this issue as fast as possible in order to bring prosperity and opportunities to the next generations.

Maria - / 1,102 389  
Mar 22, 2019   #2
Saons, I think there are two points to consider in your essay. Firstly, let's delve into the technicalities of your paper. You have instances wherein your proper usage of commas (general punctuation) is lacking.

For instance, take this revised sentence from the first paragraph:
With the clear purpose to achieve it, a wide range of changes should be made in the school curriculum as soon as possible.

Small changes such as this can make your paper more academically credible because they showcase a fundamental understanding of the usage of text. Ensure that you review the usage of proper usage of punctuation before you proceed.

I also suggest looking into merging the third and fourth paragraph to make it more substantial. I have noticed that the third paragraph is hanging in its context. A general rule of thump is that paragraphs should have at least four sentences for formality purposes. While some may argue otherwise, I think it's still safe to follow this.

You should begin looking into answering more of the rationale behind the texts that you have. When you make broad proclamations such as arguing that children do not need "useless content" when it comes to learning, you should expound on what those things are and explain concretely why you think they're irrelevant to the educational system.

The thought of your essay is on-point, however it does need further tailor-fitting to make it more substantial and knowledge-based (factual) rather than a cluster of opinions.


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