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IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The changes in ownership of electrical appliances

Orchid pham 1 / -  
Jun 24, 2021   #1

percentage of households with electrical appliances

The first line graph illustrates the number of ownership of electrical appliances altered from 1920 to 2019, while the second graph depicts the amount of time spent doing chores every week over the same period.

Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of households with washing machine, refrigerator, and vacuum cleaner increased rapidly which mean they became more popular in modern society. By contrast, the total time spent on household per week plummeted.

In 1920, the percentage of refrigerators was lowest, just 0%. After 20 years, refrigerators observed a dramatic rise and they reached a plateau of 100% in 1980. At the beginning point, the figure for washing machines was ahead of vacuum cleaners by a wide margin, at 30% for the former and 40% for the latter. Both figures then increased significantly, however, the proportion of vacuum cleaner surpassed the other and hit the highest point of 100% in 2000. The data for the washing machine went up slightly to approximately 70% after witnessed a minimally decline while refrigerator and vacuum cleaner took the leading position many decades till the end of the period.

As can be seen from the second line graph, it is obvious that the number of hours of housework in 1920 was 50 hours. Furthermore, when society became more technological and modernized the citizens tent to depend on electronic devices, and maybe that was the reason why the amount of time spent on chores plummeted to 10 hours in 2019.

Please give me some feedbacks on my essay. I grateful thank you!!!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175  
Jun 25, 2021   #2
The essay is over-witten. The writer cannot complete 2OO + words within 20 minutes. There should not be more than 200 words in the presentation. More than this and the writer will be cutting into the 40 minute task 2 writing allowance. Over analysis is not required as this is just a simple report essay. Do not turn it into a Task 2 essay.

The writer uploaded the wong image as the basis for this essay. It will limit the review extent for this presentation. A recycled bottles image was incorrectly uploaded.

The second image information lacks in-depth analysis when compared to the first image. The writer also mistakenly gave a personal opinion in the report. That is not allowed in the data reporting essay as there is no need for a personal opinion when you are just repeating information to the reader. An opinion is different from an analysis.

Opinion- a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.

Analysis - this process as a method of studying the nature of something or of determining its essential features and their relations
Penelopee 3 / 5 2  
Jul 1, 2021   #3
The passage summarising the whole content of your essay should be shorter, about 2 lines can be good. Before writing the summary, there should be a line introducing the name of the graph.

In the third passage, you should divide 3 aspects into 3 passages clearly with lliking words like " Turning to", "As regards" or " Regarding". You showed clearly the stage of each aspect with obvious figures. However, in the last line of the third passage, you made mistakes related to grammar. "Witnessed" should be changed into "witnessing" since it is active voice and "a minimally decline" should be changed into " a minimal decline" or " a fractional drop/ fall".

That is my feedback. Hope you feel useful. Have a good day :)

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