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IELTS WRITING TASK 1: the changes of West Park secondary school from 1950 to 2010

emme4665 2 / 3  
Nov 24, 2019   #1

development of the West Park school

The two maps compare the alterations of West Park secondary school that happen between 1950 and 2010.

Overall, it is can be seen that there were many changes that took place at this school during this period. Some places are adapted to suit uses, some were knocked down to replace by new buildings.

Take a closer look, the variation occurred in farmland, this land became the Sports field with the unchanged area in 2010. There were three houses in the top left-hand corner of the campus in 1950, they were demolished in order to use the land for building a car park and science block. Like this, in 2010, two new buildings were created, the car park took up more than half of the land in the top left-hand corner. The science block was between the car park and school.

The playground was unchanged. School just became the main building in 2010.

roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Nov 24, 2019   #2

Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.🤗🤗

The structures of your IELTS writing task 1 are clear, which contain introduction, overall and 2 paragraphs.
However, some IELTS textbooks or teachers may advise that in writing task 1 it would be better to write 4 paragraphs, taking a closer look at your writing, it seems a little bit awkward for your paragraph 4. Frankly to say, this one sentence cannot be a paragraph. I would suggest you that you can either combine this sentence to paragraph 3 or seperate paragraph 3 into 2 paragraphs so that you can have 4 paragraphs.

I would like to advise that if you do not have sufficient time to write the total 4 paragraphs, the best way is focusing on your paragraph 3 and overview. Without overview, the band score will below 5, and it's better to write a good paragraph 3 than just rush to finish 4 paragraphs.

Hope my feedbacks would help your future writing!🤗🤗

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