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Changing My Lifestyle - check my expressions and grammar in this essay


dawnnguyen 1 / -  
Nov 10, 2008   #1
Changing My Lifestyle

How you ever thought you would change your lifestyle? Some people think their lifestyles is fine, they don't have to change. Actually people never think about their lifestyles. They just keep working and living or they don't even have enough time to think about that. I'm neither. I just changed my lifestyle about a year ago. I cared more about my health, my life in the future and my family.

I had never thought I will change my lifestyle until I moved to the U.S. First at all, I pay more attention for my health. When I lived in Vietnam, I didn't care about it. I never exercised. In addition, I never went to the hospital to check up my health because I thought I was too young. So I didn't have to do that. If I got sick, I just went to the pharmacy to buy some medicine and take them until I got better. Besides that, I didn't think about the food what I ate. I didn't care that food good for me or not. However, I changed everything when I lived here. I go to the gym at least three times per week. In addition, I go to see the doctor every six months. Besides that, whenever I eat, I pay attention to the food. It is too much fat, sodium, cholesterol or not. If it is I don't eat it. I tried this schedule in a while and I felt much better than before.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 11, 2008   #2
This seems a bit disorganized. Try grouping your thoughts together. For instance, when you talk about the food you eat here versus what you ate in Vietnam, talk about it all together in one section. Then move on to when you were sick before versus going to the doctor now; then move on to talk about the gym and exercise. Otherwise, it seems like you are repeating yourself when in fact you're just disorganized in your thoughts.


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