Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Today, TV channels provide man's sport shows more than women's sport shows, why? personal opinion?

nhiuyen 2 / 2  
Aug 7, 2020   #1

are Sportsmen more entertaining than sportswomen?

While sport channels are widely spread all over the world, men's participation are more likely to show up on television rather than women due to interest . Personally, i do feel this is understandable and i will explain why in this essay.

On the one hand , as we can see ,television is consumed as an entertainment device, that is why the directors critically focus on the content of the channels in order to absorb the attention of viewers. Man sports acquire suspense moments, amazing skills,strength and violent actions which may attract countless male viewers. For instance, in a football match, male playground frequently witness plot twist, versatility and drama, whereas female seems to be rarely have these factors and underperformance. Thus , in spectators perspective , it is less pleasant . If the reaction was different lead to the unequal in profit and investment, it could impact on the outcome of selection in content .

On the other hand,i do believe that women attempt in sports illustrate enormous potential of skills in manifold match. it should not always be men priority if the quality of the match is obviously better. Nevertheless, in terms of sport channels, it is not only about the gender equality, but also about the people needs which need concern in many aspects.

In conclusion , i strongly advocate the former option rather than the later because of a wider audience watching men's sports channels. It is about how much it influence on people as spectators and producers, in entertainment and profits, there is nothing involved in gender equability
Veronica11 3 / 9  
Aug 7, 2020   #2
Hi! Here are my suggestions for you. Hopes this helps:

"men's participation is more likely"

" female seems to be rarely have"

" it could impact on the outcome"

" women attempt's in sports"

"how much it influence on people such as spectators and producers"
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,981 3867  
Aug 7, 2020   #3
Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete. You did a good job restating the topic and responding to the personal opinion. However, you failed to deliver the response to the "why" portion, which is part of the discussion outline requirement of that paragraph. You should have stated your reason there before your personal opinion. That is why your first paragraph is short by 1 sentence in reference to the paragraph sentence minimum requirement.

There are instances when your essay lacks a clear reference and vocabulary usage. What is a male playground in relation to a football match? That sentence did not make sense no matter how many times I read it. What are you referring to by man sports? The correct term is "male sports". Your essay suffers a lot in the C&C scoring section. You need to develop clear sentence writing skills. Do more sentence building exercises alongside your essay writing to help you develop clearer sentence presentations.

Home / Writing Feedback / Today, TV channels provide man's sport shows more than women's sport shows, why? personal opinion?