Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Characterist and physical description


Annieprincess 1 / -  
Sep 13, 2015   #1
Hi I have to write short essay for my English class, but I think there is a lot of errors which I can't see.. Could someone help me please? Thanks.

Ideal beauty has changed through the years and it's still different all around the world. Meanwhile we are bombarded by media with images of slim, long-legged, blue-eyed- simply perfect women or blond-haired, deep blue-eyed men with perfect body. They don't have any defect.

That's how we perceive the ideal beauty in Europe, but things are very different in other countries and cultures. So is there such a thing as ideal beauty?

As I was searching for material to use I found some interesting experiments. One of them was the experiment by Esther Honig. She used photo of herself without make-up and sent it to photoshop artists from more than 28 countries. She had one simple request: Make me beautiful. After that she received 28 completely different pictures of herself.

Similar experiment was made with picture of overweight woman but with same results, but people still makes moves to change their appearance.
People gets tattoos, piercings they grow fat or go on diet. And everything has the same objective. They want to feel beautiful and to be beautiful.

It takes quick glance for someone to make the first impression, which is based on facial expressions, body type, gesture and last but not least on your dress. Even you now have made first impression about my monologue and I can't change it even if I want. I had just a few seconds to make good first impression and its impossible to change it. So quick note for ourselves should be to give our best shot every time.

We should try to be ourselves, stay positive, put on our winning smile, we should be open and confidence is the key to success.
Now I would like to talk about bad and good qualities.. Here are some bad qualities: messiness, arrogance, shyness and laziness. On the other side here are some good qualities: confidence, honest, independence and patience. Lot of bad qualities can be sometimes good, because every boss like their workaholic employee.

Now I would like to describe my mum, who for me is the ideal of beauty. She is the typical blue-eyed and blond-haired woman, but she is definitely not the supermodel type. She's definition of nature beauty. When she enters the room you can see her confidence, mature and easygoing, but the way she is walking she says that you should better not mess up with her. When I and my brother were small she lived on her own with us and that's what I love about her, because she's the most caring and independent woman in the world. Sometimes she can be really bossy but I don't care. Every mother is bossy about her kids, that's how it works. My mum always know what to do and what to say. And even if we sometimes argue I love her.

And one last note: everyone is special in their own way. So don't worry.
Muhammadyusuf 7 / 13  
Sep 13, 2015   #2
pr

Let me try .

Ideal beauty has changed through the years and it's still different all around the worldworldwide . Meanwhile (put koma in here ) we are bombarded by the media with images of slim, long-legged, blue-eyed- simply perfect women or blond-haired, deep blue-eyed men with perfect body. They don't have any defect.

That's how we perceive the ideal beauty in Europe, but things are very different in other countries and cultures. So is there such a thing as ideal beauty?

As I was searching for material to use I found some interesting experiments. One of them was the experiment by Esther Honig. She used photo of herself without make-up and sent it to photoshop artists from more thanover 28 countries. She had one simple request: Make me beautiful. After thatAfterwards, she received 28 completely different pictures of herself.

Similar experiment was made with picture of overweight woman (put koma) but with same results, but people still makesmake moves to change their appearance.

People gets tattoos, piercings they grow fat or go on diet. And everything has the same objective. They want to feel beautiful and to be beautiful.

People getsget tattoos, piercings they grow fat or go on a diet. And everything has the same objective. They want to feel beautiful and to be beautiful.

It takes a quick glance for someone to make the first impression, which is based on facial expressions, body type, gesture and last but not least on your dress. Even you now have made the first impression about my monologue and I can't change it even if I want. I had just a few seconds to make a good first impression and itst'sit's impossible to change it. So quick note for ourselves should be to give our best shot every time.

We should try to be ourselves, stay positive, put on our winning smile, we should be open and confidence is the key to success.
Now I would like to talk about bad and good qualities.. Here are some bad qualities: messiness, arrogance, shyness and laziness. On the other side (put koma) here are some good qualities: confidenceconfident , honest, independence and patience. LotA lot of bad qualities can be sometimes good, because every boss like their workaholic employee.

Now I would like to describe my mum, who for me is the ideal of beauty. She is the typical blue-eyed and blond-haired woman, but she is definitely not the supermodel type. She's the definition of nature beauty. When she enters the room you can see her confidence, mature and easygoing, but the way she is walking (put koma) she sayssaid that you should better not mess up with her. When I and my brother were small she lived on her own with us and that's what I love about her, because she's the most caring and independent woman in the world. Sometimes she can be really bossy but I don't care. Every mother is bossy about her kids, that's how it works. My mum always knowknows what to do and what to say. And even if we sometimes argue I love her.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 13, 2015   #3
I can help you some errors.

1st paragraph: You should add "the" before perfect. When you discuss the ideal beauty in Europe and ask whether there is ideal beauty, this should be included in this paragraph.

2nd paragraph: Place a comma after "use". There is a word that needs to be plural: "photos of herself". Add some words "A similar experiment was made a picture of an overweight woman, but with the same results". I'm unsure about the rest of this sentence. Was her photograph sent to photoshop artists too?

3rd paragraph: You should state: "Everyone has the same objective". The sentence that discusses how a quick glance makes the first impression, should be in this paragraph. You could delete last but not least on your and replace it with "the way your dressed". Here is another suggestion: "Now, you have made the first impression..." Here is a suggestion: "So we should give it our best shot every time".

4th paragraph: Separate your sentences. "We should be open and confident, because this is the key to success."

5th paragraph: Describe your mum as the "ideal beauty". Also, change nature beauty to "natural beauty". The next sentence, you should use "confident" and "not mess with her". "When my brother and I were small..." Place a comma after bossy. Last sentence: "Even if we sometimes argue, I love her".


Home / Writing Feedback / Characterist and physical description