Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Characteristics of caring people. How did they influence you?


carlynnross 4 / 7  
Sep 29, 2010   #1
What are the characteristics of caring people? Describe a time when you have experienced caring people. What made them stand out? How did they influence you?

How would you define a caring person? Is it someone that takes care of you when you are sick, promises to keep you safe, or is available in times of need? Care is an action of interpretation, and can be carried out in a variety of ways to staggering extents. I encountered a form of care that not all children have the opportunity to experience, different from parents as they nurture you daily and unlike a teacher when she clarifies a math problem. A more overwhelming feeling, unable to be put into words my camp counselors were my best friends, mentors and role models. At such a young age, it's hard being away from home but my counselors created a new sense of belonging. Returning to Camp Highlander each year sanctioned my love for the mountain to grow. In the cabin unit, my counselor constructed an irreplaceable bond, like a sisterhood. They created memories that will last a lifetime with people I'll never forget. From the age of nine, I had a dream and it may have been one that seemed insignificant at the time, but if I knew if I could be even half the person that my counselors were for me, I would be doing something amazing. They inspired me by filling me with memories and positive experiences and passing on the drive to do the same. As opening day approached, began thinking 'what if they don't like me, how would I compare to my counselors?' I knew that I was taking on a challenge, but surely not one that I couldn't conquer. I was embracing responsibilities like never before; the lives of these children were now in my hands.

I got to know these girls as if they were my little sisters and I immediately was attached. They made me laugh and made me work; they made me stronger and made me gifts. I still was unsure of the impact I was making until one day it became rather apparent. Hannah ran up behind me and pulled me aside, her eyes filled with tears. My heart melted to see her sad and as her chin quivered she broke down, Hannah opened up to me about the emotional hardship she was experiencing. As she confined in me she also asked about my life at the cruel age of twelve. I noticed when she cried, I cried. I felt her pain and sorrow and I wanted to find a way to take it away. After a long talk, that night I discovered a note on my bed, it read: "thank you for being there, it meant so much, I love you." That was when I finally realized, I made a difference and she cared. The way I affected Hannah has done more for me than she will ever know. I now realize the impact I can make, and "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."- Carl W. Buechner.

mea505 - / 265  
Sep 29, 2010   #2
Carlynn,

This was a heart-felt essay! I enjoyed reading it. However, you lost me in the middle of the first paragraph when you began to tell us that you 'had a dream.' The essay does not seem to describe how or what sort of dream you had, unless I mis-read it or misunderstood it. If so, please explain.

I did make some suggestive comments for you. Otherwise, the essay is great! I love it!

Mark :)

Is it someone thatwho takes care of you when you are sick, promises to keep you safe, or is available in times of need?

As opening day approached, I began thinking 'what if they don't like me, how would I compare to my counselors?'

They made me laugh and made me work; they made me stronger and made me gifts.
--> In this sentence, there is a lack of parallelism -- with respect to the word "gifts." Each of the other 'things' that were made were intangible, but not the word 'gifts.' It does not 'fit in the sentence.'

As she confinedconfided in me she also asked about my life at the cruel age of twelve.
OP carlynnross 4 / 7  
Sep 29, 2010   #3
Thank you so much, and my dream was to be a counselor
mea505 - / 265  
Sep 29, 2010   #4
Hi again, Carlynn.

That was going to be my first impression -- that your dream was to be a counselor, but I was not sure. Do you think that you explained that thoroughly in the essay? It might be me, so overlook it if it is.

--Mark :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Oct 2, 2010   #5
...my best friends, mentors and role models.---- Right after this sentence I think you should add a thesis statement and then end the first paragraph.

Oh, I have to agree with mark about "I had a dream." It is a little overused. I think you could do this:

From the age of nine I had a vision of myself doing work similar to theirs, and it may have been one that seemed insignificant at the time, but if I knew if I could be even half the person that my counselors were for me I would be doing something amazing.

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Characteristics of caring people. How did they influence you?