not help us
to understand the beauty of societies
whenand small citie
s, which are often devalue
d, have an impact on societies too.
----.> I thin this sentence is a little vague. As a suggestion u can write:"I believe if investigations about a society just focus on big cities, many facets of the society such as x,y z will be not discovered/revealed. (X, Y,,Z refers to the aspects that you want to write about them in the body)First and foremost, small cities are usually considered
to be(I prefer "as" rather than "to be")the suburbs
The people who live in
the(u are not talking about some certain suburbs, so u cannot use "the") suburbs
At the second paragraph u should explain why suburb are more important and how they can affect the characteristic of a society. U provided an example about the US, but in this example u did not mention why people should study suburb areas for understanding the society.In contrast to the statement,
Do not use this and do not make a reader to read the topic one more time. Try to provide all information in your essay.
very attractive to
Use of "very" in writing, especially academic writing, is not appropriate.
They are millions of foreigners visiting Manhattan, New York every year.
before stating this u should add the term "for instance" or something like that to show this is an example and a support for the topic sentence. Without this term, it seems that this fact can just happen in Manhattan.
the characteristics of
a Manhattan society.
With less outsiders visiting and more local people living
inThe people living in
asmall city(use a synonym because u used "small city" for several times. u can use "town")The people living in small city are more innocent and less sceptical.
this sentence needs a support. u should make it clear when u say "they are innocent".
These people will show
the true faces of the world
their"true faces" without hiding
In conclusion, small cities which have so many desirable attributes do affect the societies.
Before stating an ending statement (clincher) in the concusion, you should reword the topic/first paragraph.
Regards
Ahmad