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In the chart the amount of global water use in three different sectors over 10 decades (1900-2000)

syamsiahRahim 9 / 15 3  
Apr 26, 2017   #1
the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

The chart and table analysis

The line chart illustrates the amount of global water use in three different sectors over 10 decades (1900-2000) while the table exhibits the comparison about consumption of water in Congo and Brazil which relate with their population in 2002. Overall, it is interesting to notice that the water use in these three sectors had upward trend over the period. Furthermore, Brazil water consumption was higher than Congo.

Looking more closely, Consuming water in Domestic, Industrial and agricultural has a significant increased over the timeline. In 1900 Industrial and domestic has almost similar number, while agriculture water consumption is the biggest one, it accounted for 500 km3. However, in 2001 a steady increase is faced by Domestic water usage while the Industrial had just slowly jumped up hence those sectors made wide range in the end of period. Furthermore, Agriculture rocketed and reached a peak at 300 km3 in the final years.

Moving to the table, Brazil that had 26.000 km2 land to irrigate and 176 populations consumed 359 m3 each person it is higher than water consumption by Congo just consumed 8 m3 per person which had 5,2 million population and 100 km2 irrigated land.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Apr 26, 2017   #2
Hi Syamsiah, I will try giving a few suggestions for finalizing your essay.
First, be careful of putting information. Based on the table, this is the information in 2000, but you write 2002. You have to double check your sentences so that you can keep your score. For your overview, you are supposed to show proper information. It is better if you write "each person in Brazil consumed more than in Congo". You have to convert the data to the real information on condition that you can get a high score.

it accounted for 500 km3.

Actually, there is a conjunction, but I omitted that so that it seemed like that.
When you review the data in the body paragraph, you should show the detail information. You only mentioned its changes but not to include the number. Following this, keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Its reason is because that is one of the prompts given in the writing task 1. After that, your last sentence in the last paragraph is too long. That can break your flow and influence your coherence. You can separate it to create the coherence paragraph because the good paragraph consists of at least three sentences.

Hopefully, those can improve your skill.

Home / Writing Feedback / In the chart the amount of global water use in three different sectors over 10 decades (1900-2000)