IELTS Task 1: In the chart - British Men and Women in further education

Please help me to edit my essay below. I really appreciate your help.

changes in number of British students in further education

Title: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task
The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they are studying full time or part time. Sumarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The chart shows the changes in number of British male and female students in further education, both part-time and full-time during three periods
In part-time study, the number of men decreased slightly from 1 million in 1980/81 to over 800 thousands in 2000/01. On the contrary, the number of women engaging increased steadily from around 650 thousands to 1.1 million.

Meanwhile, the trend of students enrolling in full-time education in both genders was obviously upward. In 1980, there were only below 100 thousands men studied full-time. This number rose gradually to below 200 thousands in 2000/01. Similarly, only about 50 thousands women participated in full-time courses in 1980 but this number increased dramatically to below 200 in 1990 and by 2000, the number of male and female student became equal.

In conclusion, the data clearly shows that women gained more and more equality to men in term of further education during the periods in question.

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Para 2:
"On the contrary, the number of women engaging in part time study increased steadily " 3:

para 3:
" In 1980, there were only below 100 thousands men who studied full-time."

Conclusion is totally wrong.First of all it wasn't needed.Secondly question isn't mentioning that women were/weren't equal to men. you assumed it. The examiner will cut marks for this. And there wasn't any overview. Cut the conclusion and write an overview after your intro.

Hope this helps.

You have a noun phrase problem in the essay. It is thousand not thousands. The summary of information should contain the years referred to in the chart, the type of chart (bar chart), and the measurement type (thousands). Your last sentence, which is the trending statement, would have been better served being placed as the last sentence of the summary overview as that is the section that gives a total run-down of the available information.

The following sentence portion is a contradiction in your presentation:

This number rose gradually to below 200..

The term "rose" in this sentence means "to increase". Which means the measurement should have been increasing. It is incorrect to say "rose gradually to below" but it it is correct to say "the number gradually decreased to below..." Avoid using terms that have meanings you are not familiar with. You can use it in the wrong manner, as in this example, and end up having deductions in your LR plus C&C scores. Which is definitely what would have happened with the scoring for this essay in an actual setting.

@Holt
Thank you very much for your comment