The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries.The chart compares the problems of citizen when stay in other countries based on different ages. All in all, the most severe issues of moving abroad is experienced by the middle age for all types of difficulty.
The biggest problem about money are experienced by age group 35-54 around 35 percent, then people ages 18-34 with the percentage is under 35 percent. While, the oldest age category finds it as the smallest problem approximately 28 percent. For the healthy problem, 38 percent is the biggest feature that underwent by people ages 35-54 then people over 55 years old, with the percentage is under 38 percent. A bit different the percentage of old people, just around 32 percent is young people have healthy problem. On the other hand, the last problem people are finding school for their children, 19 percent is the percentage of second last age of people. It is the higher percentages if compares with young people and old people. People have 18-34 years-old is the second highest after middle age about 6 percent and then just 2 percent is over 55 years-old.
Hi reski,
... middle age for all types of difficultydifficulties.
People havein 18-34 years-old group is the second highest after ...
- It is better to make 2 sentences in the overview.
- 3 paragraphs are better than only 2 paragraphs in task 1.
- don't explain all the details, you need to do grouping so that you can describe it better.
- you can use words : youngest, elderly, and middle age so that you can get more various explanation.
Hopefully it helps.
Hi Reski..
Welcome to Essay Forum. Enjoy your process because you have been the right medium to boost your skill. Let me help you to finalize this.
The chart compares the problems of citizenS when THEY stay in ANother countries COUNTRY based on different age GROPUs. All in all, OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT the most severe issues of moving abroad is experienced by the middle age for all types of difficulty. IN ANY CASE, THE LIGHTEST MATTER FOR ALL GROUPS IS FINDING FORMAL EDUCATION FOR THEIR FAMILY.
(Keep in your mind that each paragraph is supposed to consist of more than 2 sentences. Therefore, you should create 2 sentence for the overview).
The biggest problem about money are experienced by age group 35-54 around 35 percent, then WHILE people ages AGING18-34 YEARS with HAS the percentage is BEING under 35 percent. While(WHILE is a conjunction, not a transitive word) FOLLOWING THAT, the oldest age category ...
... 38 percent is the biggest feature PROPORTION that IS underwent by people ages THE AGE GROUP OF 35-54 YEARS then people over 55 years old, with the percentage is under REPRESENTING AT BELOW 38 percent.
... just around 32 percent is OF young people have THE healthy problem.
... people are finding THE school for their children, WHERE (When you wanna merge 2 sentences, do not forget to include the conjunction)19 percent is the ...
It is the higher percentages if compares with young people and old people AMONGST ALL AGE GROUPS. People have HAVING 18-34 years-old is the second ...
I hope these can help you to improve your ability.
I really believe you can master this skill if you wanna provide much time to practice more and more.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D
Hi Reski, I'm trying to make some corrections.
1. ... the problems of citizencitizens ...
On the question, there are many persons, so to paraphrase people use plural form, citizen become citizens
2. The biggest problem about money areis experienced by ...
Only one problem, so change it into singular from, are become is
3. While, the oldest age category finds it as the smallest ...
'it' is a subject, so after verb use an object
4. the biggest feature that underwent by in people ages 35-54 ...
1. be careful with singular and plural (citizen---->citizens) (ages-------> age groups)(you must mention who have the age)
----> ... the problems of citizens when they (add subject) stay in other countries based on different agesgroups .
2. for overview find interesting point and use phrase to overview such as : (it is noticeable that .... or overall,it is immediately apparent that...)
it is immediately apparent that the most severe issues of moving abroad ...
3. be careful with grammatical sentence (subject+verb+agreement)
People have 18-34 years-old is ...
-----> People having 18-34 years-old is the second highest after middle age at 6 percent and just 2 percent is over 55 years-old.
