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The number of elderly people in several different states in the United Kingdom between 1985 and 2035


adip 12 / 13  
Jun 18, 2016   #1
The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035.

The chart reveals the number of elderly people in several different states in the United Kingdom between 1985 and 2035. Overall, wales will be the highest country in percentage population. While, a small percentage will be seen in the remaining figure.

The information regarding percentage population between and Scotland 1985 was is different. Firstly England displayed 15 percent population ages above 65 years, and Scotland shows 13 percent. However, in 2035 both of them reveal rise significantly. Actually, England will increase 7%, at the same time, Scotland obtains an upward approximately 12% society ages 65 surviving.

Without a doubt that, in 1985 three countries such as, Wales which got 16%, Nothern island had 3% below Wales, on the other hand, the United Kingdom obtains 2% percent under Wales. However, in 2035, all of the countries will have a considerable rise. Overall, both of Wales and Nothern island will upward 10%, and United Kindom, in other words, obtain 9% in this case.
Btihbk11 8 / 9  
Jun 18, 2016   #2
Dear Adi,

I have a question in advance, why you put two conclusion in your IELTS part 1 ?
In my opionion, it wil be better if the conclusion only in first paragraph.

And it will be better if you upload the question in order to make the others more easier to coreect your work.

The chart reveals about the number of elderly people in several different states in the United Kingdom ...
Overall, wales will experience a significant increase in ...
... will be seen in the remaining figures

The information regarding percentage population between and Scotland 1985 was is different ( Lack of Clarity, why you put two to be simultaneously ?) same with this sentence in 2035 both of them reveal rise significantly ( why you put 2 verbs in the sam sentence ?)

Scotland obtains an upward trend approximately 12% society ages 65 surviving.

Best regards
Furqanda
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 21, 2016   #3
Hi Adi, please find the corrections below and oh before I forget, for future writing reference, please post the chart as this is where we draw our observations and findings and also in order for us to present solid criticisms. Moving forward, I would like to share some modification that wil hopefully strengthen your analysis.

- W ales will behas the - highest country in percentage of population. - While, a small percentage will beis seen
- in the remaining figurecountries .

- between ( what ) and Scotland in - 1985 was is different.
- Firstly England displayed
- 15 percent of the population
- reveal risea significantlyrise .
- Actually, England's populationwill increase 7%, - at the same time,that Scotland
- obtains an upward trend at approximately
- 12% in the society ages 65 surviving .

There you have it Adi, I leave the last paragraph for you to practice editing yourself, this is a good way of looking and analyzing your work, this way you can compare how we work and how would you recommend us to better our proof reading and in giving reviews of your work.


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