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The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income

gracegracegraxe 1 / -  
Apr 7, 2023   #1

allocation of the average weekly income

The given bar chart provides a comparison of the average weekly income allocated for disbursement by households in two specific years, 1968 and 2018.

Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the spending priority in 1968 went on food while the top belonged to expenditure for leisure aspect in 2018. The provided spending categories experienced both tendencies: one upward trend and the other downward trend whereas only household goods still remain stable in the 50-year period.

Initially observing at the upward group, there was a substantial increase comprising more than twice as much at the income expended for leisure aspect per week that reached a peak at the end of the period. Additionally, weekly salary for housing items made a near twofold jump, which accounted from 10 percent to approximate 20 percent during the interval. Furthermore, the share of average wage per week paid for transportation increased by roughly 7 percent as the former.

With regards to the remaining downward group, it is instantaneous that food demand plummeted from the precedence of families expenses (35 percent in 1968) to the third rank after a half century. Reversely, clothing and footwear and personal goods both caught a spectacular decrease as nearly two times as the former (about 5 percent and less, respectively). Following that, there was a minimal drop in expenditures on fuel and power, and the share of these three categories mostly came as the least preferred items in the statistic over the years shown.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15048 4830  
Apr 8, 2023   #2
248 words were written for an essay that requires only 200 words. 200 words that will assure accurate completion of the reporting analysis within the 20 minute writing allowance. There is no possible way that the writer can complete this current presentation in an actual test setting. There simply will not be enough time for it.

Even with the wordy essay, the information is not properly analyzed nor represented to the reader. That is because the writer created a vocabulary writing exercise in the presentation. There is a lack of clear analysis in the presentation, The sentences are using too many words but not really making a clear point to the reader. It is difficult to track what should be a simple information presentation and analysis paper.

The whole point of the task 1 essay is to prove that you are capable of simple analysis and information presentation within time constraints. That is the big failure in this presentation because you focused on word usage rather than information sharing. I hope that you will give me an opportunity to review your work again. I hope that the next one will be more aligned with better scoring possibilities.
gongjunim 1 / 3  
Apr 11, 2023   #3
I agree that this essay is a bit wordy and has complex word usages like instantaneous. I did this in a real IELTS test and the time was very limited so I opted for using simple words but still managed to deliver the chart description.

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