Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK 1-The chart gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity

Ulica 1 / -  
Dec 1, 2017   #1

generosity of british citizens measured

The bar chart compares the different age-groups proportion of donation in Britain in the years 1990 and 2010.

Overall, we can see that more people donating to charities in 1990 than in 2010.The majority of these people were over 36-year-olds.

In 1990, the 36-50 age-group received the highest figure on the graph, with almost 42% people made charitable donations. In the same year, the group aged 18-25 was accounted for the least proportion, with only 17%.By 2010, these figures had decreased to 35% and 7% respectively.The 26-35 aged-group also fallened down from 31% to 24% between 1990 and 2010.

Almost 30% people who over 36-year-olds were donated to the charities. In 2010, the donation of proportion among the 51-65 age-group reached its peak at approximately 40%.The figure for people who over 65s was lower about 4% than this, but it was still a little more than the same age-group in 1990, at 32%.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,011 2713  
Dec 1, 2017   #2
Ulica, having written only 154 words in this essay, you cannot expect to get a higher than barely passing score for your work. Aim to write around 200 words each time so that you can have a 4 paragraph essay which always results in a higher than average passing score. The best way to increase your word count is by expanding upon the important presentations in the essay. For instance, in this essay, you could have expanded the opening statement by presenting it this way:

Comparative bar charts were presented representing the donations made by various age groups in Britain. The information presented came from the years 1990 and 2010, offering a decade to decade comparison of the data. The data covered the age 18 to 65 groups which were divided into age brackets. The overall trend, seems to be that more people over the age of 36 donated to charities in 1990. In this essay, a summarized representation of the data will be presented with data comparisons presented where relevant.

There was similar data shared when you compare the age 50 to the age 51 group. The two groups both donated 35 % to charities. This was not reflected in your essay so the "comparisons where relevant" part of the prompt was not fulfilled, That presentation could have easily completed your 4th paragraph and increased your scoring considerations based on the increased word count.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Dec 1, 2017   #3
Hi Ulica,I have read your writing closely and it is actually a good job. However, you forgot a few essential elements in the writing task 1.Please,you meet my suggestions so that you can create the better writing in the next term.

Firstly,it's better you merge your first and second paragraphs,so they can become the integrated unity. Besides, a good paragraph should have at leas three sentences. For your overview (the second paragraph), you successfully found an interesting trend in the table.

Apart from that,you hardly get the higher score because you work safely. I meant that you only described more listing the data.If you want to meet the task achievement, you are supposed to tend doing comparisons of the figures.I only remember you that your job in the writing task is to compare the figures relevant. Following this, hopefully you can explore more information which found in the table because the number of your words is very close to the border of the requirement. I suggest you to write between 165 and180 words.Do not write so many because the quality is more important that the quantity.

GOOD LUCK for your next writing.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1-The chart gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity