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IELTS Task 1 : The Chart in Global Sales of Games Software, CDs and DVD or Video


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jan 20, 2014   #1
Would you pleased give me comment for my writing, especially about my grammar

This appearance was presented the global sales in three types creation; games software, DVD/video, CDs in four consecutive years, ended at 2003.

Reviewing in past four years CDs take the highest number of sales. The peak of trade occurs in 2000 nearly 40 billion dollars. Whether we peruse, sales of CDs was declined slightly from 38 billion dollars in 2000 to 32 billion dollars in 2003.

Meanwhile, opposite sales ensue in the other groups. Games software has progressive increase between 2000 and 2003. Inception with the trough at 14 billion dollars sales, this figure improved steadily approach 20 billion dollars in the end year reported. Moreover, DVD/video sales had more double sales than games software in each year reported. Started out at 17 billion dollar in 2000 and subsequently rose annually to reach topmost sales about 31 billion dollars in 2003.

Hence, this data should be best reference to evaluate for reach advance sales. Generally, in over 4 years all of creation seems rose gradually until finishing the period. Even though the number of CDs sales is the highest, sales of DVD/video dramatically become the best progressive. It is because total numbers of sales over 4 years increase beyond 10 billion dollars, whether CDs sales position just among 30-40 billion dollars.




odon 12 / 27 2  
Jan 20, 2014   #2
Hi Shanafi.
i am not sure whether it right or wrong .
This appearance was presented the global sales in three types creation

but if i were you , i would do like this .
This appearance was presented in three types creation at the global sales
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jan 20, 2014   #3
This appearance was presented the global sales in three types creation; games software, DVD/video, CDs in four consecutive years, ended at 2003.

The chart illustrates the changes in global sales of games software, DVD/video and CDs in four consecutive years from 2000.
I think you should give an overview of the chart, which shows its main trends, before moving into detailed body paragraphs

CDs take the highest number of sales

CDs sales were the highest of the three types mentioned, reaching a high of 35 billion dollars in 2000.

Whether we peruse, sales of CDs was declined slightly from 38 billion dollars in 2000 to 32 billion dollars in 2003.

After that, there was a slight fall in the sales of CDs until the end of the period.

Games software has progressive increase

Games software sales increased significantly from 14 billion dollars in 2000 to nearly 20 billion dollars in 2003.

Moreover, DVD/video sales had more double sales than games software in each year reported.

The number of DVDs/videos sold nearly doubled the corresponding figure for games software

Started out at 17 billion dollar in 2000 and subsequently rose annually to reach topmost sales about 31 billion dollars in 2003.

This sentence has no subject.

It is because total numbers of sales over 4 years increase beyond 10 billion dollars, whether CDs sales position just among 30-40 billion dollars.

This part is not necessary.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jan 20, 2014   #4
Thank you mister wandering. After revise based on your suggestion, the number of words is under 200. Would you give me tips, whether I got out of idea and the word is yet enough ?
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jan 20, 2014   #5
In this Task 1 essay, you should write at least 150 words and there is no maximum word count. Don't worry if your total number of words is less than 200.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 21, 2014   #6
I like your overall approach for this task though it has some small issues. However, I feel you need to improve its presentation.

This appearance was presented the global sales in three types creation; games software, DVD/video, CDs in four consecutive years, ended at 2003.

Simply say what it illustrates;
The bar chart illustrates how global sales of games software, DVD/Video and CDs have changed during the period of 2000 to 2003.

Reviewing in past four years CDs take the highest number of sales. The peak of trade occurs in 2000 nearly 40 billion dollars. Whether we peruse, sales of CDs was declined slightly from 38 billion dollars in 2000 to 32 billion dollars in 2003.

... This is your overview part and here you should have the major observations in trends discussed. You should not have more details here;
According to the bar chart, CDs have recorded the highest sales of all time although there had not been any significant growth in their sales during the four years. The sales of DVD/Videos shows the highest growth in sales and while the sales of Games software too had grown noticeably during the period under review.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jan 22, 2014   #7
well, for several time I like your enlightenment. Because I have little bit confused about this, let me ask you

According to the bar chart, CDs have recorded the highest sales of all time although there had not been any significant growth in their sales during the four years. Thesales of DVD/Videos shows the highest growth in sales and while the sales of Games software too had grown noticeably during the period under review

as far i know, it is should be like this, isn't it ?
sales of DVD/video show
sale of DVD/video shows

how abut yours ?
MelisaStewart - / 7  
Jan 24, 2014   #8
The above thread about The Chart in Global Sales of Games Software, CDs and DVD or Video is quite informative and very significant and have all the respective aspects of the same. I think one must go through the same in order to attain a good knowledge about it.
leoking 7 / 24 1  
Mar 15, 2014   #9
you seem to follow a good structure


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