Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The chart illustrates changes in the figure for electricity generated by three different sources


pha 2 / 2 1  
May 17, 2020   #1
IELTS 1

the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources



The line chart illustrates changes in the figure for electricity generated by three different sources measured in millions kilowatt hours to supply the city of New York from 1980 to 2000. Overall, petroleum became the main supply energy in the cities, while the figure for natural gas overtook the figure for coal in 1990 and being the second importance sources producing energy over the period of 20 years.

In 1980, petroleum was the most crucial sources generating energy, registered 300 million kilowatt hours. It then decreased erratically, reached a peak of 600 million kw hours in 1985 before falling back to 350 million in 1990. However, the figure for petroleum rose dramatically in the next 10 years, reached a peak of over 700 million kw hours by the end of the period.

On the other hand, coal experienced a gradual rise in 1985, at about 300 million kw hours before decreasing steadily by the end of period, approximately 200 million kw hours. In contrast, the figure for natural gas remained constantly over the first 5 years, it then increased considerably, overtaking coal in 1990 and reaching a peak of over 500 million kw hours in 2000




Holt [Contributor] - / 9,051 2730  
May 18, 2020   #2
You have a tendency to use run-on sentences in your essay. You will score better if you learn to separate your sentence topics instead of presenting all of them in one statement. That is confusing and does not really result in complex sentence presentations. Rather, your GRA score will be lower because you successfully confused the reader in relation to your content presentation. This is particularly evident in your summary overview that should have had 3-5 sentences in the presentation covering various key data from the line chart.

Work on your vocabulary. Don't use common phrases and descriptions such as "different sources", that shows a shallow English vocabulary that will not increase your LR score. However, if you had said something like "dissimilar sources", you would have shown a better access to English words that could help increase the LR score for your essay. Good work on creatively mentioning the 3 energy sources in the summary. It was interesting and would have definitely helped you get a better TA score.
nhiduong2001 2 / 4  
May 21, 2020   #3
You should write 1 or 2 more sentence in your overview, I think yours is short and not enough key data


Home / Writing Feedback / The chart illustrates changes in the figure for electricity generated by three different sources