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The chart below illustrates the number of prisoner in five nations throughout 50 years

lucy190496 1 / 2  
Oct 21, 2020   #1

the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980

The graph illustrates the number of prisoner in five nations throughout 50 years, from 1930 to 1980.

Regarding the bar graph, United State and Canada are two countries with the highest number in imprisonment within five countries. In United State, the number of criminal in 1980 outnumbered those in the previous years amounted to 140 thousand people while those in 1970 had just 90 thousand people. With respect to Canada, the number of prisoner had gradually decreasing within 40 years with the highest number in 1930 as 120 thousand people and the lowest number in 1970 as 85 thousand people. However, there was a light increase from 1970 to 1980 at a ratio of 130 to 85 thousand Canadian criminals.

Looking specifically to the others, all of those had the lower number of prisoners than those in United State and Canada. There was a gradual increase in the number of prisoners of Great Britain from 30.000 in 1930 to 80.000 in 1980. The number of Australia fell rapidly from 1930 to 1950, increase gradually to 1970 and then reduce sharply in 1980. To figures for New Zealand, the number of criminals decreases dramatically in 1950 at a ratio of 50.000, then rises considerably to 90.000 in 1980.

Generally speaking, between 1930 and 1980, the number of prisoners in United Stated and Canada outnumbered the others. Most of year, United Stated had the highest number of imprisonment with the exception of in 1930 and 1950, the number of Canadian prisoners reach the top quantity of 5 countries.

ngthuha 6 / 14 5  
Oct 22, 2020   #2
1.For the summary paragraph, you don't have to include the specific year in sentence, e.g. with the exception of in 1930 and 1950. Just focus on the starting and the ending point for the overall trend. Also this sentence should be with the exception of in of the year or of 1930 and 1950.

2. For the second and the third paragraph, it would be better if you compare the figures, rather than describing each data separately.
3. Since the period ranging from 1930 to 1980, you should write in past tense in describing data
These are my opinion for your writing. I'm still a leaner so please correct me if I get wrong
OP lucy190496 1 / 2  
Oct 22, 2020   #3
@ngthuha many thank for your feedback.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,712 3787  
Oct 22, 2020   #4
This is a Task 1 essay, not a task 2 essay. Therefore, you have written too many words for this task. The allotment is only 150-190 words. You wrote 256 words, which means you have just written an opinion essay. Or, you have cut into the 40 minute time allowance for the Task 2 essay. Either way, you took more than 20 minutes to complete the data reporting.

Use the 3 paragraph presentation for maximum scoring effect. Identify the image in the first sentence, then proceed to give an overview of the information provided. Definitely mention the inclusive years provided, even after presentation the decade on decade reference ( 50 years). This will help show your LR range in terms of time references.

Always accurately mention the name of the countries (United StateS not State). The summary overview is incomplete as it does not contain the run down of countries, measurement used, and trending statement. The summary overview, which is part of the TA score, is not complete and will therefore contain deductions that will pull down the overall score.

You have singular v. plural usage errors in the paragraphs. There is a consistent error in terms of this presentation covering 3 paragraphs. Expect heavy GRA points reductions because of these mistakes. Be careful next time. Remind yourself of the plural and singular word usage rules next time.
OP lucy190496 1 / 2  
Oct 23, 2020   #5
Thank you very much for your advice

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